It has come to the time of the year when we have to bid goodbye to the year 2006. This year has been eventful, with the release of 2005 A levels results, my ORD on 220806 and the start of a new term at school. It is not very happy but I still manage to pass by this year fruitfully. My only regret is not being able to enter NTU, at least I did not brood over this issue. Aiyah, perhaps all is fated, no point thinking about it.
Next year will be a challenging year, with most of the time studying and the two Semester breaks. Last year, I was still in the army, now I can be free to do whatever I like. Not much of a resolution, merely want to do well in my studies, hope that it will be a peaceful year. 2006 has been special as I went from being an NSF to civilian to a guy in a holiday mood. 2005 was happy, with lots of nice things happening, 2006 was alright.
Don't know what other people's resolutions are, nevertheless, it is 2007 soon, we cannot deny it. For those who have a happy year, good for you, for those who do not have , try to look forward to 2007 as it might be a better year. 21 years old liao, next year I will be 22 years old, 2 more years to work life, so fast. It is going to be 2007 soon, hope that next year will be mroe enriching and fun. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
21 Years Old Liao!
21 years old liao, so fast! Well unlike many who have friends to celebrate their birthday with them, I merely have a simple celebration with my family, went out to eat , buy a cake, that is all. Being a guy, I wouldn't mind so much as it is just another day to me, 21 years old is nothing special. I am more worried about going out to work, don't know how to survive in this fast paced society?
In 2 weeks time, holidays will come to an end and it is back to studies. Next semester is not going to be easy with Commercial LAW as a module. Partly because of my command of English, partly heard many say that law modules are hard, and plus to get into the law faculty requires straight As and an A1 in GP, so dare not think so much. Aiyah, just try to understand it, maybe the lecturer will make it interesting?
Don't know anyone have played Guild Wars and completed it before. I did not even reach 75% of the game. It is real tough, compared to FF series, in FF games, gil are almost free, in Guild Wars , you have to fight more monsters to earn more. So I feel that it does not have much appeal to RPG gamers like me, I prefer side quests and wonderful storylines, like Chrono Cross. So far, to date, I have played only more than 10 RPGs, Chrono Cross, Chrono Trigger, Radical Dreamers, FF3,FF7,FF8,FF9,FFx,FFx-2, Pokemon yellow version, Pokemon gold version, Guild Wars , Legend(Jin Yong Qun Xia Zhuan), Uncharted Waters 2, Mario RPG, and lastly, Planet Edge.
I don't know if planet edge is considered a RPG, it is a game about a group of 4 astronauts travelling to space to retrieve parts of a machine that can save the earth. I guess the weapons, the storylines and the missions made it a RPG. I do not play strategy games, as I am always losing, like DUNE 2and games from the C&C series. My 2 brothers perfer that to RPGs, so it is really hard to know what they are talking about at times. I know that there are people who played at least 100 RPGs to date, even more than that. I am not so rich and resourceful to have so much RPGs. These are really avid gamers, I am just pro-RPGs, that is all.
Didn't know that a topic like games can make me write so much things, maybe I am really long winded, so not many like my style. Anyway, 2 more weeks and the holidays will be over, must make use of the remaining time to tidy up a bit for the coming year.
In 2 weeks time, holidays will come to an end and it is back to studies. Next semester is not going to be easy with Commercial LAW as a module. Partly because of my command of English, partly heard many say that law modules are hard, and plus to get into the law faculty requires straight As and an A1 in GP, so dare not think so much. Aiyah, just try to understand it, maybe the lecturer will make it interesting?
Don't know anyone have played Guild Wars and completed it before. I did not even reach 75% of the game. It is real tough, compared to FF series, in FF games, gil are almost free, in Guild Wars , you have to fight more monsters to earn more. So I feel that it does not have much appeal to RPG gamers like me, I prefer side quests and wonderful storylines, like Chrono Cross. So far, to date, I have played only more than 10 RPGs, Chrono Cross, Chrono Trigger, Radical Dreamers, FF3,FF7,FF8,FF9,FFx,FFx-2, Pokemon yellow version, Pokemon gold version, Guild Wars , Legend(Jin Yong Qun Xia Zhuan), Uncharted Waters 2, Mario RPG, and lastly, Planet Edge.
I don't know if planet edge is considered a RPG, it is a game about a group of 4 astronauts travelling to space to retrieve parts of a machine that can save the earth. I guess the weapons, the storylines and the missions made it a RPG. I do not play strategy games, as I am always losing, like DUNE 2and games from the C&C series. My 2 brothers perfer that to RPGs, so it is really hard to know what they are talking about at times. I know that there are people who played at least 100 RPGs to date, even more than that. I am not so rich and resourceful to have so much RPGs. These are really avid gamers, I am just pro-RPGs, that is all.
Didn't know that a topic like games can make me write so much things, maybe I am really long winded, so not many like my style. Anyway, 2 more weeks and the holidays will be over, must make use of the remaining time to tidy up a bit for the coming year.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
2 Weeks Liao
Well, two weeks have past, a lot of events happened. Got my results on 6 Dec 2006, about 2 weeks ago, was satisfied with it. Initially thought that I will fail my Business Computing module, but luckily I passed. I got 2 HD( High Distinctions) and 2 CR(Credits), equivalent to 2 'A's and 2 'C's, how nice if it was the grade for my A levels, then I would not have been disappointed then. Anyway, I dare not be complacent or be too overjoyed as there are 6 more sems to go. Suddenly, I feel so relaxed, at least I know I deserved such good grades as I have worked hard for it, sounds like I am really conceited, or in Chinese known as 自负, but I really spend at least 3 hours each day studying at SIM during SEM 1. Next sem is full time studies , and subsequently is part time studies. Looking forward to another sem of new knowledege and work.
Yesterday, just went out with my family for a meal to celebrate my birthday. I am the type that do not have any friends to celebrate my birthday with me. I am used to it, at least I have my family celebrating it with me, unlike some who do not have parents to celebrate with them or their parents forgetting their birthday. Whenever I read about people talking about celebrating their birthday with friends, I am full of envy and it really sounds like fun. Not that nobody care about me, just that I do not have much friends. Logically, birthday might just be another day, you still eat, sleep, do the necessary stuff. Somehow, we as humans see it as a significant day as it is the day when we first enter this fascinating world and came to know ourselves as humans.
I am not trying to impress anyone with my strange thoughts, it is just that I like to think a lot. I am a bit like datoufen , a character created by Peifen recently in the programme " The world of datoufen" aired on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30 pm. Howver dtf is so cute, I am just a plain looking guy who do not yearn for much except to meet my goals I set for myself in life. I do not need much people to understand me, just don't force me to do things that I do not like. Frankly speaking, I find that my standard of English is below average, even in this blog, there are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. To me, the usage of bombastic words or imagery or similes are just to attract attention , let people know that you have a lot of "ink" . In Chinese, we called it 有墨水 。
I am more apt at using Mandarin than English, partly it is because I am exposed to Chinese media more often. I feel that it is best for a person can use his mother tongue to converse with friends of the same race and use English in their jobs. I do not yearn to be like some people who speaks fluent English very proficiently, but I do not want to feel lost when it comes to speaking English. I don't know how I fare in speaking English, but I know I am quite proficient when it comes to speaking Mandarin.
Recently went to stomp, which is a forum set up by The Straits Times. I am particularly interested in the "I confess " list of threads. I came across a thread saying that "Many Singaporeans are Lame, I am going to migrate" by a person who sign off as Emo. I guess from her other threads she started , she must be from a prestigious girls school in her Secondary school days and unfortunately faced some really unpleasant incidents with her peers. That is why she is rather oblivious to the fact that the Singaporeans she termed as lame, ( and the reason might be we use Singlish?) , are actually not lame at all, what is lame is her peers throwing penknifes at her because she failed her Chinese test. I guessed they must also have called her a Banana women, "white inside, yellow outside".
I empathise with her for going through this, but the point is that she have expressed her unhappiness to the wrong group of people. Singlish is no doubt not a communication tool for formal occasions and in your job, but we cannot deny it s existence and say that those who use Singlish are lame. Besides, a forum is an interactive and less formal platform for stompers to pen their views, as long as we know when to use Singlish and when to use English, it is alright. I do not object to using fluent English in less formal occasions, but please do not think that by using standard English, you are high above the others. Sometimes, it is that we prefer to use Singlish as it is closer to our hearts.
Some stompers turn stomp forums into battle zones where they argue and debate with each other. What I feel is no point feeling so frustrated, you don't even know who is on the other side, you can rebuke , but please do not have any personal attacks or pen down too sensitive views. I saw a comment of my stomper that he/she hate a group of people and Singapore have 80 % of them. I know who he is referring to, being in that group of people he "hate", I am frustrated, but after a while, I thought about it, I don't even know who he is, and besides he hate that group of people, who knows how many from that group of people hate him too.
I just feel that it is a bit dangerous to post such comments, you can write it on your diary or keep it to yourself, but try not to post such racist comments. All it takes is just one brainless comment to spark a potential racial riot in Singapore. If that happened, the hard work and the constsnt reminders for us to live in harmony will be futile. I know it is too idealistic to let people of different races not have differences, but we could try to be tolerant and be less myopic.
3 more weeks of holidays and it is study time again, blog about so much thoughts about forums , it is so weird. Alright, I end here now.
Yesterday, just went out with my family for a meal to celebrate my birthday. I am the type that do not have any friends to celebrate my birthday with me. I am used to it, at least I have my family celebrating it with me, unlike some who do not have parents to celebrate with them or their parents forgetting their birthday. Whenever I read about people talking about celebrating their birthday with friends, I am full of envy and it really sounds like fun. Not that nobody care about me, just that I do not have much friends. Logically, birthday might just be another day, you still eat, sleep, do the necessary stuff. Somehow, we as humans see it as a significant day as it is the day when we first enter this fascinating world and came to know ourselves as humans.
I am not trying to impress anyone with my strange thoughts, it is just that I like to think a lot. I am a bit like datoufen , a character created by Peifen recently in the programme " The world of datoufen" aired on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30 pm. Howver dtf is so cute, I am just a plain looking guy who do not yearn for much except to meet my goals I set for myself in life. I do not need much people to understand me, just don't force me to do things that I do not like. Frankly speaking, I find that my standard of English is below average, even in this blog, there are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. To me, the usage of bombastic words or imagery or similes are just to attract attention , let people know that you have a lot of "ink" . In Chinese, we called it 有墨水 。
I am more apt at using Mandarin than English, partly it is because I am exposed to Chinese media more often. I feel that it is best for a person can use his mother tongue to converse with friends of the same race and use English in their jobs. I do not yearn to be like some people who speaks fluent English very proficiently, but I do not want to feel lost when it comes to speaking English. I don't know how I fare in speaking English, but I know I am quite proficient when it comes to speaking Mandarin.
Recently went to stomp, which is a forum set up by The Straits Times. I am particularly interested in the "I confess " list of threads. I came across a thread saying that "Many Singaporeans are Lame, I am going to migrate" by a person who sign off as Emo. I guess from her other threads she started , she must be from a prestigious girls school in her Secondary school days and unfortunately faced some really unpleasant incidents with her peers. That is why she is rather oblivious to the fact that the Singaporeans she termed as lame, ( and the reason might be we use Singlish?) , are actually not lame at all, what is lame is her peers throwing penknifes at her because she failed her Chinese test. I guessed they must also have called her a Banana women, "white inside, yellow outside".
I empathise with her for going through this, but the point is that she have expressed her unhappiness to the wrong group of people. Singlish is no doubt not a communication tool for formal occasions and in your job, but we cannot deny it s existence and say that those who use Singlish are lame. Besides, a forum is an interactive and less formal platform for stompers to pen their views, as long as we know when to use Singlish and when to use English, it is alright. I do not object to using fluent English in less formal occasions, but please do not think that by using standard English, you are high above the others. Sometimes, it is that we prefer to use Singlish as it is closer to our hearts.
Some stompers turn stomp forums into battle zones where they argue and debate with each other. What I feel is no point feeling so frustrated, you don't even know who is on the other side, you can rebuke , but please do not have any personal attacks or pen down too sensitive views. I saw a comment of my stomper that he/she hate a group of people and Singapore have 80 % of them. I know who he is referring to, being in that group of people he "hate", I am frustrated, but after a while, I thought about it, I don't even know who he is, and besides he hate that group of people, who knows how many from that group of people hate him too.
I just feel that it is a bit dangerous to post such comments, you can write it on your diary or keep it to yourself, but try not to post such racist comments. All it takes is just one brainless comment to spark a potential racial riot in Singapore. If that happened, the hard work and the constsnt reminders for us to live in harmony will be futile. I know it is too idealistic to let people of different races not have differences, but we could try to be tolerant and be less myopic.
3 more weeks of holidays and it is study time again, blog about so much thoughts about forums , it is so weird. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
A Nice Long Holiday
This week, finally know that lessons will commence on the 15th of Jan 2007, still have one and a half months of rest. Counting the number of weeks for my holidays, it is around 10 weeks plus, since 2003, I haven't have such a long break. Just so strange, we should have studied for at least 9 months per year, but end up studying for half a year and resting half a year.
The past few weeks have been happy, went to many places and did a lot of things I want to do. Sometimes though, I feel so empty, don't know what am I doing, why I am doing those things? I can't say I have been through a lot but somehow I just feel so weird. At times, I wonder why am I in such a state, I should be like this and not likt that. Fortunately, I have never experience being ditched or jitted yet, or face "betrayal" by my lover.
I actually more than once thought about being on a relationship with a girl, but if it have to end up in vain, what is the use? Afterall, is it that important to experience such things at an early age. I know people will laugh when I say that 21 years old is early, but I am just not ready physically and emotionally to deal with such issues. I feel that you can like someone and the person will not like you, but you cannot force someone to like you.
I distinguish between affectuations and love clearly, so the sort of admiration and liking that we feel for the person is different from love for your lover. Too bad, nowadays, few people realize that love does not mean that you must say it out to your partner , your simple acts of concern and not possessing that person is love in my view. Affectuations are just feelings of admiration and liking for a person, they are periodic in nature, you can have many affectuations but only one or two love in your entire life.
Well, why am I talking about all these? I have never been in a relationship or loved someone before, perhaps my narrow view is wrong. Must be too free, that is why have such weird thoughts. Anyway, right now, I will never have a stead, I am very sure of that. Alright, I end here now.
The past few weeks have been happy, went to many places and did a lot of things I want to do. Sometimes though, I feel so empty, don't know what am I doing, why I am doing those things? I can't say I have been through a lot but somehow I just feel so weird. At times, I wonder why am I in such a state, I should be like this and not likt that. Fortunately, I have never experience being ditched or jitted yet, or face "betrayal" by my lover.
I actually more than once thought about being on a relationship with a girl, but if it have to end up in vain, what is the use? Afterall, is it that important to experience such things at an early age. I know people will laugh when I say that 21 years old is early, but I am just not ready physically and emotionally to deal with such issues. I feel that you can like someone and the person will not like you, but you cannot force someone to like you.
I distinguish between affectuations and love clearly, so the sort of admiration and liking that we feel for the person is different from love for your lover. Too bad, nowadays, few people realize that love does not mean that you must say it out to your partner , your simple acts of concern and not possessing that person is love in my view. Affectuations are just feelings of admiration and liking for a person, they are periodic in nature, you can have many affectuations but only one or two love in your entire life.
Well, why am I talking about all these? I have never been in a relationship or loved someone before, perhaps my narrow view is wrong. Must be too free, that is why have such weird thoughts. Anyway, right now, I will never have a stead, I am very sure of that. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Thoughts
Well, this holiday enable me to pen down a lot of thoughts I have with regards to my life. Suddenly,the JC times, the army days, the SIM school days all seem so far away. It has been 2 weeks since I last receive an SMS from a friend. Well, that is why I do not really need a handphone, so I decided to buy a prepaid card instead, it is cheaper that way.
Sometimes, I really wonder why I am so weird, but at times, I feel so proud of this "weirdness".
I cannot stay more than 6 hours away from home nowadays, if it has to be more than 6 hours, it has to be studies or something passive. I feel so tired after exceeding the 6 hours limit playing or shopping outside. I cannot stay up too late as I need a lot of sleep. Thus clubbing is really out for me, I am not the type who can dance, afford expensive beverages, and meet clubbers. I am not saying that it is a waste of money or time to go clubbing, just that I am not the type of person.
In the swimming pool this thursday, saw a hunk with a lot of pretty babes around him, I suddenly feel so jealous and inferior. Looking at my skinny as a bamboo body , and compared to his muscular body, I feel ashame of myself. Not that I wish to have his physique and with babes surrounding me, I just want to be more 'fat'. I really wonder whether any girl will like me in this state I am now. Seeing young couples being so compatible and with the drama serials frequently depicting scenes of intimacy between couples, at times really have an urge to go on stead with a girl.
In the past, never thought about all these things, it is always about studies and myself, now I actually think about all these things. I am a bit silly to tell myself that after the age of 25, then I can have a girlfriend. My brothers really did that, and now they do not have steads. Not that my brothers are weird like me, or skinny as I am, in fact, they are normal looking and smart, I guess they will have one when the time comes.
I feel like a kid sometimes, so naive and silly. At times, I find myself immature, I can be bother by such thoughts easily. Not that I have never like someone, but she already has a boyfriend. Will there be a day when I will like someone and that person also likes me? So silly to think about this, I believe when it its time, fate will bring us together. Right now, it is just occasionally thinking about this. Alright, I end here now.
Sometimes, I really wonder why I am so weird, but at times, I feel so proud of this "weirdness".
I cannot stay more than 6 hours away from home nowadays, if it has to be more than 6 hours, it has to be studies or something passive. I feel so tired after exceeding the 6 hours limit playing or shopping outside. I cannot stay up too late as I need a lot of sleep. Thus clubbing is really out for me, I am not the type who can dance, afford expensive beverages, and meet clubbers. I am not saying that it is a waste of money or time to go clubbing, just that I am not the type of person.
In the swimming pool this thursday, saw a hunk with a lot of pretty babes around him, I suddenly feel so jealous and inferior. Looking at my skinny as a bamboo body , and compared to his muscular body, I feel ashame of myself. Not that I wish to have his physique and with babes surrounding me, I just want to be more 'fat'. I really wonder whether any girl will like me in this state I am now. Seeing young couples being so compatible and with the drama serials frequently depicting scenes of intimacy between couples, at times really have an urge to go on stead with a girl.
In the past, never thought about all these things, it is always about studies and myself, now I actually think about all these things. I am a bit silly to tell myself that after the age of 25, then I can have a girlfriend. My brothers really did that, and now they do not have steads. Not that my brothers are weird like me, or skinny as I am, in fact, they are normal looking and smart, I guess they will have one when the time comes.
I feel like a kid sometimes, so naive and silly. At times, I find myself immature, I can be bother by such thoughts easily. Not that I have never like someone, but she already has a boyfriend. Will there be a day when I will like someone and that person also likes me? So silly to think about this, I believe when it its time, fate will bring us together. Right now, it is just occasionally thinking about this. Alright, I end here now.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Blogging
Happy times are short, 1 week of fun and laughter gone like that. Luckily still have 7 weeks of holiday. Today, just change the template of my blog to a bright green background, with added features such as pics, labels and photos. In the past, my blog is just words, and more words. I like the new outlook very much, as I design it myself.
Recently, there have been many issues with regards to blogging in the local scene. The most recent case was about a daughter of an MP, from a renowned school criticising a fellow blogger of his anxiety for the older workers in Singapore. It is indeed her thoughts, but she have to be careful of how she phrase it. To me, it seem like she looked down on the older workers, terming them as old and redundant.Luckily, she is still a minor in the eyes of the public, thus her immature thoughts can be taken as being elitist.
If she was older, she would have been asked by those who feel offended to account for her actions. Thus it has become no longer a simple aim of sharing with others your thoughts, as your blog can be viewed by people who might feel offended by your thoughts. I think it is better to just pen down interesting activities that you do with your friends and families. It is really dangerous to write about your dislike for a particular group of people or organisation, as these are really sensitive issues.
Fortunately, not many leave down comments after reading my blog, (I guess it is boring) so I do not have problems with my blog till now. However, to be safe, I will avoid writing about sensitive issues.
Since September, I have been listening to this programme(大头芬的世界） on the radio at every Monday, Wednesday and friday nights at 2030 hrs. As the programme is titled, it is about a 14 year old girl studying in a neighbourhood Secondary school. She has two best friends, da nai bing and tian cai qing. adna special friend, ah toot. At first, thought what is so nice about a teenage girl's diary, but after having the blog, the programme receive a lot of positve feedback. I am used to writing my comments on her blog.
I guess that is the advantage of a blog, whereby you can get to have comments from people you don't know. The host of the programme is one of the DJ, Peifen. Partly because she is a DJ, and the blog is a record of the show, that is why the blog is so well received. However, the content of the blog is the crucial factor, if it was just some guy 's daily routine like I got 80 marks for Maths exam, I should have get better marks, it is a bit boring.
The blog is different from digital diary, in that it is online. Thus a successful blog must not be seen as convening negative thoughts. Many people failed to realise this thus there are instances of NSmen posting photos of armoured vehicles on their blog. In Singapore, it is alrite, but if the blog was accessed by a person who is interested in the armoured vehicles in the SAF, then it is no longer just a person problem, it concerns the security of our country.
What I feel is if you want to keep your thoughts among your friends, try not to use a blog, use email, it is safer, because the online feature of a blog does not guarantee the safety of it. In my blog, it is always about some of my thoughts about myself and certain groups of people. I did not name them ot make any personal attacks on them.
Lastly, hopefully, less bloggers will get into trouble with their blogs now with the option to have a private blog. Alright, I end here now.
Recently, there have been many issues with regards to blogging in the local scene. The most recent case was about a daughter of an MP, from a renowned school criticising a fellow blogger of his anxiety for the older workers in Singapore. It is indeed her thoughts, but she have to be careful of how she phrase it. To me, it seem like she looked down on the older workers, terming them as old and redundant.Luckily, she is still a minor in the eyes of the public, thus her immature thoughts can be taken as being elitist.
If she was older, she would have been asked by those who feel offended to account for her actions. Thus it has become no longer a simple aim of sharing with others your thoughts, as your blog can be viewed by people who might feel offended by your thoughts. I think it is better to just pen down interesting activities that you do with your friends and families. It is really dangerous to write about your dislike for a particular group of people or organisation, as these are really sensitive issues.
Fortunately, not many leave down comments after reading my blog, (I guess it is boring) so I do not have problems with my blog till now. However, to be safe, I will avoid writing about sensitive issues.
Since September, I have been listening to this programme(大头芬的世界） on the radio at every Monday, Wednesday and friday nights at 2030 hrs. As the programme is titled, it is about a 14 year old girl studying in a neighbourhood Secondary school. She has two best friends, da nai bing and tian cai qing. adna special friend, ah toot. At first, thought what is so nice about a teenage girl's diary, but after having the blog, the programme receive a lot of positve feedback. I am used to writing my comments on her blog.
I guess that is the advantage of a blog, whereby you can get to have comments from people you don't know. The host of the programme is one of the DJ, Peifen. Partly because she is a DJ, and the blog is a record of the show, that is why the blog is so well received. However, the content of the blog is the crucial factor, if it was just some guy 's daily routine like I got 80 marks for Maths exam, I should have get better marks, it is a bit boring.
The blog is different from digital diary, in that it is online. Thus a successful blog must not be seen as convening negative thoughts. Many people failed to realise this thus there are instances of NSmen posting photos of armoured vehicles on their blog. In Singapore, it is alrite, but if the blog was accessed by a person who is interested in the armoured vehicles in the SAF, then it is no longer just a person problem, it concerns the security of our country.
What I feel is if you want to keep your thoughts among your friends, try not to use a blog, use email, it is safer, because the online feature of a blog does not guarantee the safety of it. In my blog, it is always about some of my thoughts about myself and certain groups of people. I did not name them ot make any personal attacks on them.
Lastly, hopefully, less bloggers will get into trouble with their blogs now with the option to have a private blog. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Carefree days
For the next 1 month 3 weels or so, I will be staying at home most of the time, doing the things I wanted to do for so long. People might feel that huh! staying at home, so no life, go out and work part time better. Indeed sometimes, staying at home too much will make people 'rot' and working part time can gain some experience, meet new people. However, I am the type who is so tired of politics and unreasonable co-oworkers. In the army, already meet such people and have been so disturbed , why torture myself for that extra money when I am not the type who spend more than $20 per week.
Actually, being alone sometimes is good, you need not think of ways to deal with people u dun like, and my typical routine is wake up at 8:30 am, have breakfast, then read form 9.am to 11a.m. Then sleep, have lunch and serve the net and read till dinner time. Then bath, watch television programmes till 11p.m and sleep again. Half of my time is spend sleeping, which explains why I am so weak and easily tired. So my day end so fast, 12 hours sleeping, 4 hours serving the net, 4 hours reading , 4 hours watching television programmes, 4 hours doing the necessary stuff. If people happen to know about this, they will ask sleep so much for what. Well, I just feel that sleep can make me more relaxed not having nonsensical thoughts.
Occasionally, I also listen to the radio, hearing the deejays talking to each other and introducing some of the singers is a form of assurance to me that I am not lonely. I am a guy who has problem expressing myself verbally, so people who know me well will become bored soon when we run out of topics. In the past, I used to be bothered by it, now after quarreling with so many people, I am really tired sometimes. If conversation always end up in quarrels then might as well dun talk.
I am a weird guy, skinny, ugly, low self esteem and reserved. Not that I have not try to change, but the attempts all failed. Well as long as I do not harm anyone emotionally or physically, it is alright, I have been telling myself this. For the past 4 days, I have been happy, just that have been thinking a lot about myself all this while. Seeing the blog of other people so nice, and so interactive, I started to realise no one will be interested in such a plain looking blog with so much words. Initially, thought that I can have people replying to my blog, but for one and a half years, no one ever comment on it.
Aiyah, not that I want anyone to comment about it now, just want to keep a record of my happenings these 5 years. Alright, I end here now.
Actually, being alone sometimes is good, you need not think of ways to deal with people u dun like, and my typical routine is wake up at 8:30 am, have breakfast, then read form 9.am to 11a.m. Then sleep, have lunch and serve the net and read till dinner time. Then bath, watch television programmes till 11p.m and sleep again. Half of my time is spend sleeping, which explains why I am so weak and easily tired. So my day end so fast, 12 hours sleeping, 4 hours serving the net, 4 hours reading , 4 hours watching television programmes, 4 hours doing the necessary stuff. If people happen to know about this, they will ask sleep so much for what. Well, I just feel that sleep can make me more relaxed not having nonsensical thoughts.
Occasionally, I also listen to the radio, hearing the deejays talking to each other and introducing some of the singers is a form of assurance to me that I am not lonely. I am a guy who has problem expressing myself verbally, so people who know me well will become bored soon when we run out of topics. In the past, I used to be bothered by it, now after quarreling with so many people, I am really tired sometimes. If conversation always end up in quarrels then might as well dun talk.
I am a weird guy, skinny, ugly, low self esteem and reserved. Not that I have not try to change, but the attempts all failed. Well as long as I do not harm anyone emotionally or physically, it is alright, I have been telling myself this. For the past 4 days, I have been happy, just that have been thinking a lot about myself all this while. Seeing the blog of other people so nice, and so interactive, I started to realise no one will be interested in such a plain looking blog with so much words. Initially, thought that I can have people replying to my blog, but for one and a half years, no one ever comment on it.
Aiyah, not that I want anyone to comment about it now, just want to keep a record of my happenings these 5 years. Alright, I end here now.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Holiday Liao!!!
Yipee! The long awaited holiday has arrived, there are so many things to do, go on bus rides, swim, serve the net, read, sleep, ponder, play PS 2, watch television programmes, listen to the radio, go for jogs, and most importantly rest my mind. These are all very simple things, and all done in the indoors, I am not a very active guy, so I won't go out with friends, not that I have any to go out with either. Yesterday was my last paper, Macroecons, in JC I used to dread the Economics paper, it is essay so you can imagine how many pages we have to write before we can get our ideas through.
Last year, I remebered having my A levels re-exam during this period of time, so fast, one year past by liao. A lot of thoughts have been bothering me all these while, but now I am okay. Perhaps all things in life are not solely controlled by humans, there is some entity known as luck in life. In mathematics, we can use probability to predict how likely an event can happen , but in life, things are unpredictable at times, a person eating fishball noodles can choke to death by the stucked fishball, a guy who has always been careful actually could die due to a mishap. In relationship, there is also another element known as fate, if we ask ourselves how do we meet this person, we will be puzzled.
In over 6 billion people, you can actually have your 'friends' as your friends, it is even more amazing when you have love relationship with your partner in life. The probabilty is 1 out of 6,000,000,000, about 0.0000000016 percent, a really insignifucant percent. Of course, in mathematics, it is as godd as that the event will not happen, but in life, such possibiltities do happen. Just find that no matter how clever human beings can be, we are not able to manipulate every entity in life. Sometimes it is this inability that makes life exciting, of course provided that unfortunate events do not happen. If we are able to control everything and live the perfect life we all wish, then life would be meaningless. We will be just like robots programmed to do things and not have any expectations.
Actually I have thought that the time we have eternal peace is the time we die, thus many who wish to seek eternal peace choose death as an option. The people who commit suicide are too overwhelmed by their problems that they fail to realsie there are others who are worse off than them still willing to survive. They think that by dying, their problems will be gone forever, but no, their problems turn into grief and sorrow for their loved ones. Sadly, not many people can be able to realise all these things when the problems become too hard for one to manage.
Sometimes they just need someone to let them know that all is not lost yet and they will not give up their life. A simple thing like this yet we ask ourselves how many of us are brave enough to do that. I have never meet a problem so bad that I will give up my life thus I can say all that I want, but if I meet such problems, I don't know if I am able to be as clear minded as I am right now. If there is someone by my side then to persuade me against giving up my life, I will be so lucky.
These entry sounded so serious, just some thoughts that came into my mind. Alright, I end here now.
Last year, I remebered having my A levels re-exam during this period of time, so fast, one year past by liao. A lot of thoughts have been bothering me all these while, but now I am okay. Perhaps all things in life are not solely controlled by humans, there is some entity known as luck in life. In mathematics, we can use probability to predict how likely an event can happen , but in life, things are unpredictable at times, a person eating fishball noodles can choke to death by the stucked fishball, a guy who has always been careful actually could die due to a mishap. In relationship, there is also another element known as fate, if we ask ourselves how do we meet this person, we will be puzzled.
In over 6 billion people, you can actually have your 'friends' as your friends, it is even more amazing when you have love relationship with your partner in life. The probabilty is 1 out of 6,000,000,000, about 0.0000000016 percent, a really insignifucant percent. Of course, in mathematics, it is as godd as that the event will not happen, but in life, such possibiltities do happen. Just find that no matter how clever human beings can be, we are not able to manipulate every entity in life. Sometimes it is this inability that makes life exciting, of course provided that unfortunate events do not happen. If we are able to control everything and live the perfect life we all wish, then life would be meaningless. We will be just like robots programmed to do things and not have any expectations.
Actually I have thought that the time we have eternal peace is the time we die, thus many who wish to seek eternal peace choose death as an option. The people who commit suicide are too overwhelmed by their problems that they fail to realsie there are others who are worse off than them still willing to survive. They think that by dying, their problems will be gone forever, but no, their problems turn into grief and sorrow for their loved ones. Sadly, not many people can be able to realise all these things when the problems become too hard for one to manage.
Sometimes they just need someone to let them know that all is not lost yet and they will not give up their life. A simple thing like this yet we ask ourselves how many of us are brave enough to do that. I have never meet a problem so bad that I will give up my life thus I can say all that I want, but if I meet such problems, I don't know if I am able to be as clear minded as I am right now. If there is someone by my side then to persuade me against giving up my life, I will be so lucky.
These entry sounded so serious, just some thoughts that came into my mind. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Long Awaited Holiday
Yup, After the exams, there will be a 8 weeks break or even 9 weeks break from school. Just check the portal, notice that I got a HD for the biz computing assignment. suddenly, I have this illusion that it is really easy to do well in SIM, but nope, I am wrong, if that is the case, how come my marketing only got a PA(pass), so I guess it must have been hardwork. The exams are just round that corner, 8 days more to the accounting paper. Seriously speaking, I am rather unprepared despite retaking the A levels last year. I do not expect myself to get a HD, if I can get a D( Distinction) I am happy liao.
This Friday, on the bus ride to school, saw a group of boys from this renowned boys school boarding the bus. I do not mean to eavesdropped on their conversation, but there was one student who talks very loudly, even bragging about how low his grades are. It is something he should be ashamed of, not to be proud, yet he talks as if he has been a hero by getting such low grades. The group was badmouthing and scolding a rather obese student from the school. In the past, thought that what others say of the scool having bullies was a whole load of crap, now, I know why the school have a rather bad reputation because of these black sheeps. In JC, I have this male classmate from that school, when he told me he was bullied in his lower Seconday years, I did not believe him. How can such a good school have bullies? Only neighbourhood school like my Secondary shcool have bullies. I was wrong, even if there are bullies from neighbourhood schools, they are less devious and more easily changed. The bulies from some schools are intelligent, some even good at studies, rich and good looking. These type of bullies are harder to tacke, read from the papers once that some girls form these SAP school threw the Textbooks of a fellow classmate. Reason being the girl was seen talking to a guy the da jie da (Big sister) of the group have a crush on. The group even scolded the girl, hurl verbal abuses at her.
Luckily, I am not from that boys school, if not given my effeminate mannerism, plus my skinny physique, I will bw bullied by the upper Sec guys. I could not believe that the classmate of mine was bullied before, he is fit, good looking, intelligent, kind and masculine, how could he be bullied? Now there is evidence of such bullying from that school, my friend must have been rather small sized, weak and reserved in the past.However, now he is such a nice guy, he did not get affected by the bullying. Though I once lament that I did not go into that school, I feel so lucky now. At least I did not experience bullies before, I must be really lucky. Perhaps I am weird , that is why they feel that I won;t be an easy target. Well, hope that the plump student could get fit and study well, and that is the best way of getting back at the bullies.
After the exams, it is finally holiday, real holiday. After 2 -3 years without a long holiday, I am finally going to have one. I can do a lot of things I like at that time, play, sleep, read, swim, jog, do the things I like. Got to end here now cos it is time to study. Alright, I end here now.
This Friday, on the bus ride to school, saw a group of boys from this renowned boys school boarding the bus. I do not mean to eavesdropped on their conversation, but there was one student who talks very loudly, even bragging about how low his grades are. It is something he should be ashamed of, not to be proud, yet he talks as if he has been a hero by getting such low grades. The group was badmouthing and scolding a rather obese student from the school. In the past, thought that what others say of the scool having bullies was a whole load of crap, now, I know why the school have a rather bad reputation because of these black sheeps. In JC, I have this male classmate from that school, when he told me he was bullied in his lower Seconday years, I did not believe him. How can such a good school have bullies? Only neighbourhood school like my Secondary shcool have bullies. I was wrong, even if there are bullies from neighbourhood schools, they are less devious and more easily changed. The bulies from some schools are intelligent, some even good at studies, rich and good looking. These type of bullies are harder to tacke, read from the papers once that some girls form these SAP school threw the Textbooks of a fellow classmate. Reason being the girl was seen talking to a guy the da jie da (Big sister) of the group have a crush on. The group even scolded the girl, hurl verbal abuses at her.
Luckily, I am not from that boys school, if not given my effeminate mannerism, plus my skinny physique, I will bw bullied by the upper Sec guys. I could not believe that the classmate of mine was bullied before, he is fit, good looking, intelligent, kind and masculine, how could he be bullied? Now there is evidence of such bullying from that school, my friend must have been rather small sized, weak and reserved in the past.However, now he is such a nice guy, he did not get affected by the bullying. Though I once lament that I did not go into that school, I feel so lucky now. At least I did not experience bullies before, I must be really lucky. Perhaps I am weird , that is why they feel that I won;t be an easy target. Well, hope that the plump student could get fit and study well, and that is the best way of getting back at the bullies.
After the exams, it is finally holiday, real holiday. After 2 -3 years without a long holiday, I am finally going to have one. I can do a lot of things I like at that time, play, sleep, read, swim, jog, do the things I like. Got to end here now cos it is time to study. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Thoughts
Today, I am exposed to a lot of information and views. Of these, the most significant was that of a NSF 2 LT posting a pic of 2-3 men dressed in Army uniform having bad bearing. There were a lot of uproar when he posted that, some even went to the extent of perosonal attack, some applauded him for his "bravery". Actually, I think for those who disagreed with him is is not totally Beng or unwise. Being a lowly NSF before, I know how garung and impractical some NSF officers can be. Still, I think once we don the army uniform, it is important to ensure we are dressed properly as you wouldn't dressed slopily if you are in your civilian clothes. Even if you hate army so much, you still need to respect yourself , now because of that, the three men are being 'caught' and being discussed knowingly and unknowingly.
I can understand why the opposers are so outraged, they undergo so much suffering and unfairness, yet they see such a comment by someone who treats his NS life with pride. They wll naturally be angry that they are not as lucky so they might feel that the 2LT is being cocky and unrealistic. Being in the service vocation for 2 years plus, I am lucky so I cannot really undestand the agony of the combatants in the operations units. To them, they suffered for 2 years for nothing, lowly paid and being treated like shit by the minority black sheeps in the organisation. There are no right or wrong in the issue, what I think is that in the first place, the officer should not post the picture as it contributes to some kind of voyeurism. He can mention about this issue, and not linked the incident to particular group of people or organisation. I agreed that we should respect the uniform as it also mean respecting oursleves. For those who say that it is alright to be sloppily dressed , I feel that they should ask would they dare to dress like this before even shooting the officer.
Indeed, the officer is only myopic, there is no need to use vulgarities and personal attacks. They could express it more subtlely. Some of the comments are really too bias, saying things like he should know where he stands and scolding him as being brainless. He must have earned his rank, and reflecting in this issue does not render him as brainless, he is myopia but not brainless, the thing he should not have done is to post the pic. It makes him a bit arrogant and naive, not brainless though. Both parties are wrong to some extent. Of course I can be a neutral party as neither am I an officer nor a combatant so I can be more focused, not too biased.
I focus more on respect on oneself and to be more fair rather than being bias and unrealistic. Next thing is about the gays issue, well, as long as they do not harm us, it is okay. It is weird and frustrating at times when you see one but they are humans too, imagine yourslef in their shoes, how would you feel if you are obstracized? It is their choice though they are abnormal, they are harmless. It is those that offer to have sex with you that makes you scared of them. One thing to clarfiy though is not most effeminate guys are gay, I am an effeminate guy but I do not have sexual urges with guys. There are many tyoes of people in this wold, I am one weird kind of person. There are those who think that downgarding is their ultuimate goal in NS life, they got it wrong. Being a clerk does not guarantee a bed of roses, they are unreasonable superiors at times and the workload can be tormenting at times. At the same time, you have to work with weirdos at times, it is physically relaxing but mentally stressed.
In the combatant life, it is usually as a group, but being a training clerk makes you be the few who stayed back for nothing at times. Is our NS really that negative and redundant? Of course, I am the majority of the lot who looks forward to ORD and now I ORD liao, with pleasant and bad memories but that is a part of me, like it or not, 2 years of your life are gone and it is just 2 years and then you are a civillain. I can understand there are really cocky NSF officers who treat not only combatants but also clerks and storeman with disrespect, that is why the opposers are so angry. Perhaps he is not one of them, you cannot judge a person by just one blog he posted, do they know him well?
I guess much as we hate to admit it, NS life is a period of time wasted to suffer, Singaopre will never go into war, we will always be this peaceful, and those who make it to being a clerk are much luckier. if everyone thinks this way, what will happen to our country in times of war. Fortunatley or unfortunatelt, there are people who really cherish the 2 years and see the real meaning behind their NS life. I guess if the one who post the blog was a RSM in a unit, there wouldn't be such a great amount of uproar. He is too young to make any comments on the uniform issues, as in civillain life, he has not met many people, at the age of 19, at most 21, what can he experience unless he is really unfortunate.
Another issues is about Undergrads doing essays for people in return for money, though I am not in the local U (much as I wanted to), I feel that they should not feel too poud about it. For those who pay them to do it for them, good luck to them , see whether they can find people to do it for them in the exams. I know I am prejudiced against those who seek easy ways to gain success in academic areas, but I seriously feel that since you are given a chance to study, somemore a chance to be in such a high level of institution, you should cherish the chance. There are many people who yearn to get in but cannot get in.
Be it my family upbringing or own discretion, I will never do this unless I am a really changed person of under dire straits, we should always remeber that in any learning, there is no short cut, only hands on and hardwork can guarantee you success. In fact, the people involved has committed plagiarism that is equivalent to the theft of intellectual property, like piracy, it is not something to be proud of nor to be widely publicised. I believe that there is no task that is so difficult that you have to ask someone to do on your behalf. Money is not everything, this time round, you pay people to do things for you, next thing are you paying someone to do a proposal for you for instance and claim that it is yours. I know there are people out there who do this, and it is really common. Once we reflect on this, we will feel that we have indeed breached the rules and live in guilt. Other people might think that I am exaggerating but for me, it is a totally no for people to do things for me for money, they can help me but not do it for me. I dare not claim that it is mine and will not as my conscience tell me that I have done soemthing wrong.
I might never experience the agony when you are forced to write an essay, and you are at wits end. There are always professors and friends that can help you. It is better getting a low grade than to get a high grade for an essay that is not written by you. My 2 brothers have never helped or asked people to do their work for them in their U life. Partly is because they are really intelligent, unlike me, they are also taught not to cheat. Whatever happened to the morals and integrity humans have? I know I am really prejudiced and myopic just like the 2LT earlier with respects to this issue but it is so sad that there are people who seek the easy way out to gain success. Alright, I end here now.
I can understand why the opposers are so outraged, they undergo so much suffering and unfairness, yet they see such a comment by someone who treats his NS life with pride. They wll naturally be angry that they are not as lucky so they might feel that the 2LT is being cocky and unrealistic. Being in the service vocation for 2 years plus, I am lucky so I cannot really undestand the agony of the combatants in the operations units. To them, they suffered for 2 years for nothing, lowly paid and being treated like shit by the minority black sheeps in the organisation. There are no right or wrong in the issue, what I think is that in the first place, the officer should not post the picture as it contributes to some kind of voyeurism. He can mention about this issue, and not linked the incident to particular group of people or organisation. I agreed that we should respect the uniform as it also mean respecting oursleves. For those who say that it is alright to be sloppily dressed , I feel that they should ask would they dare to dress like this before even shooting the officer.
Indeed, the officer is only myopic, there is no need to use vulgarities and personal attacks. They could express it more subtlely. Some of the comments are really too bias, saying things like he should know where he stands and scolding him as being brainless. He must have earned his rank, and reflecting in this issue does not render him as brainless, he is myopia but not brainless, the thing he should not have done is to post the pic. It makes him a bit arrogant and naive, not brainless though. Both parties are wrong to some extent. Of course I can be a neutral party as neither am I an officer nor a combatant so I can be more focused, not too biased.
I focus more on respect on oneself and to be more fair rather than being bias and unrealistic. Next thing is about the gays issue, well, as long as they do not harm us, it is okay. It is weird and frustrating at times when you see one but they are humans too, imagine yourslef in their shoes, how would you feel if you are obstracized? It is their choice though they are abnormal, they are harmless. It is those that offer to have sex with you that makes you scared of them. One thing to clarfiy though is not most effeminate guys are gay, I am an effeminate guy but I do not have sexual urges with guys. There are many tyoes of people in this wold, I am one weird kind of person. There are those who think that downgarding is their ultuimate goal in NS life, they got it wrong. Being a clerk does not guarantee a bed of roses, they are unreasonable superiors at times and the workload can be tormenting at times. At the same time, you have to work with weirdos at times, it is physically relaxing but mentally stressed.
In the combatant life, it is usually as a group, but being a training clerk makes you be the few who stayed back for nothing at times. Is our NS really that negative and redundant? Of course, I am the majority of the lot who looks forward to ORD and now I ORD liao, with pleasant and bad memories but that is a part of me, like it or not, 2 years of your life are gone and it is just 2 years and then you are a civillain. I can understand there are really cocky NSF officers who treat not only combatants but also clerks and storeman with disrespect, that is why the opposers are so angry. Perhaps he is not one of them, you cannot judge a person by just one blog he posted, do they know him well?
I guess much as we hate to admit it, NS life is a period of time wasted to suffer, Singaopre will never go into war, we will always be this peaceful, and those who make it to being a clerk are much luckier. if everyone thinks this way, what will happen to our country in times of war. Fortunatley or unfortunatelt, there are people who really cherish the 2 years and see the real meaning behind their NS life. I guess if the one who post the blog was a RSM in a unit, there wouldn't be such a great amount of uproar. He is too young to make any comments on the uniform issues, as in civillain life, he has not met many people, at the age of 19, at most 21, what can he experience unless he is really unfortunate.
Another issues is about Undergrads doing essays for people in return for money, though I am not in the local U (much as I wanted to), I feel that they should not feel too poud about it. For those who pay them to do it for them, good luck to them , see whether they can find people to do it for them in the exams. I know I am prejudiced against those who seek easy ways to gain success in academic areas, but I seriously feel that since you are given a chance to study, somemore a chance to be in such a high level of institution, you should cherish the chance. There are many people who yearn to get in but cannot get in.
Be it my family upbringing or own discretion, I will never do this unless I am a really changed person of under dire straits, we should always remeber that in any learning, there is no short cut, only hands on and hardwork can guarantee you success. In fact, the people involved has committed plagiarism that is equivalent to the theft of intellectual property, like piracy, it is not something to be proud of nor to be widely publicised. I believe that there is no task that is so difficult that you have to ask someone to do on your behalf. Money is not everything, this time round, you pay people to do things for you, next thing are you paying someone to do a proposal for you for instance and claim that it is yours. I know there are people out there who do this, and it is really common. Once we reflect on this, we will feel that we have indeed breached the rules and live in guilt. Other people might think that I am exaggerating but for me, it is a totally no for people to do things for me for money, they can help me but not do it for me. I dare not claim that it is mine and will not as my conscience tell me that I have done soemthing wrong.
I might never experience the agony when you are forced to write an essay, and you are at wits end. There are always professors and friends that can help you. It is better getting a low grade than to get a high grade for an essay that is not written by you. My 2 brothers have never helped or asked people to do their work for them in their U life. Partly is because they are really intelligent, unlike me, they are also taught not to cheat. Whatever happened to the morals and integrity humans have? I know I am really prejudiced and myopic just like the 2LT earlier with respects to this issue but it is so sad that there are people who seek the easy way out to gain success. Alright, I end here now.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Exams Coming
Hai! Exams are coming again, beside 2004, I have exams every year since P1, being a lao jiao in exams(13 years), exams are not alien to me. However, now exams seem so sian and a waste of time to me. I ask myself why there is a need for exams, they only make me feel demoralized. In the past, there was once when I liked exams as I did well in exams. Now, after falling greatly in the A levels, I can't say the same.
The feeling is so strange, last year I am preparing for the A levels, this year, I am preparing for the finals. I just feel so strange, it is like a long time but in fact it is just a year. Last year, I did not blog for half a year so I did not write down my feelings back then. I don't know what will happen next year, I just know that this time round, it is not about entering U but rather just passing the exams. So the pressure is lesser, but still I must work hard after paying so much for the course.
After checking the portal, I know that I got 2 HDs for the 2 tests, accounting and economics. I am glad that I did well, but the finals still counts, so must not fail in the finals. If I was in local U and I got such good test grades, then I would be really happy. Well. at least my confidence is back, I feel more motivated and not demoralized. Thank god for letting me be safe and sound all this while. My entries nowadays will be more about my studies and not anything else. In the past, it was about a week happenings, mostly about camp stuff. I am not a people person so I do not expect myself to blog about so and so, or outings( as I do not have many friends to go with).
To me, I find that in my life, the most difficult is to face people , especially people I don't like. In the army, I remember being really very miserable facing an unreasonable and uncultured warrant officer. Of course, now he is just a uncultured and pitiful old man who scolds vulgarities and will have difficulty have people working for him in future after he got retrenched by the army. Why should I be as uncultured as him and scold him, he will gat his just deserts someday. Now, I seldom talk to people as I find that the more I revealed about myself the more people might use it against me. I am not saying that all humans are bad, but I find it unnecessary.
Thus, to me studying is stressful but books will not harm you, will not let you harm them, to put it insanely, I rather have relationship with books than people. I know that there are really nice people out there, like the gal I like, but after meeting so many nasty people, I become self-centred. Frankly speaking, I am really pragmatic, I only need friends when I am working and not in my private life. I can do a lot of things alone, watch TV programmes, listening to music, go for bus rides, play computer games, sleeping, reflecting, reading, going to the library, have good food, blog, swimming. There are so many things to do.
Often, people find that life is boring, actually, there are so many things to do, so many nice entities to sense, music, graphics, food, family warmth, to me, each day is always different as you have different thoughts. I know that it is fun to go out with people, play sports and look at babes. To me, I feel that if each week , I go out, I will spend a lot and more importantly, I will
be really tired. I need private time to rest and reflect. That is why people find me quiet and weird. I did not put on an act, I just feel that being alone is not a bad thing, being lonely is. They will find me boring as my life is based on time rather than just live my life with my own discretion. I find that this type of life is more safe, and so far, I did not even beat someone before or being beaten by someone. I can reflect on my flaws and improve on my strengths.
Whenever I read the blogs of others, they are more about their friends, bf,gf, and their family. It is fun to read, I like to see the happy side of people though I cannot interact well with people and simply hate some nasty people to the core. I like to uncover the truth before human behaviour, research on the brain thinking. As if people will read my blog, I blog to let myself know that I have this type of thoughts at this point of time. I like to refer to that time and compared it to the present and see if I have changed a lot or a little. It is boring and unnecessary, but I prefer it this way. Alright, I end here now.
The feeling is so strange, last year I am preparing for the A levels, this year, I am preparing for the finals. I just feel so strange, it is like a long time but in fact it is just a year. Last year, I did not blog for half a year so I did not write down my feelings back then. I don't know what will happen next year, I just know that this time round, it is not about entering U but rather just passing the exams. So the pressure is lesser, but still I must work hard after paying so much for the course.
After checking the portal, I know that I got 2 HDs for the 2 tests, accounting and economics. I am glad that I did well, but the finals still counts, so must not fail in the finals. If I was in local U and I got such good test grades, then I would be really happy. Well. at least my confidence is back, I feel more motivated and not demoralized. Thank god for letting me be safe and sound all this while. My entries nowadays will be more about my studies and not anything else. In the past, it was about a week happenings, mostly about camp stuff. I am not a people person so I do not expect myself to blog about so and so, or outings( as I do not have many friends to go with).
To me, I find that in my life, the most difficult is to face people , especially people I don't like. In the army, I remember being really very miserable facing an unreasonable and uncultured warrant officer. Of course, now he is just a uncultured and pitiful old man who scolds vulgarities and will have difficulty have people working for him in future after he got retrenched by the army. Why should I be as uncultured as him and scold him, he will gat his just deserts someday. Now, I seldom talk to people as I find that the more I revealed about myself the more people might use it against me. I am not saying that all humans are bad, but I find it unnecessary.
Thus, to me studying is stressful but books will not harm you, will not let you harm them, to put it insanely, I rather have relationship with books than people. I know that there are really nice people out there, like the gal I like, but after meeting so many nasty people, I become self-centred. Frankly speaking, I am really pragmatic, I only need friends when I am working and not in my private life. I can do a lot of things alone, watch TV programmes, listening to music, go for bus rides, play computer games, sleeping, reflecting, reading, going to the library, have good food, blog, swimming. There are so many things to do.
Often, people find that life is boring, actually, there are so many things to do, so many nice entities to sense, music, graphics, food, family warmth, to me, each day is always different as you have different thoughts. I know that it is fun to go out with people, play sports and look at babes. To me, I feel that if each week , I go out, I will spend a lot and more importantly, I will
be really tired. I need private time to rest and reflect. That is why people find me quiet and weird. I did not put on an act, I just feel that being alone is not a bad thing, being lonely is. They will find me boring as my life is based on time rather than just live my life with my own discretion. I find that this type of life is more safe, and so far, I did not even beat someone before or being beaten by someone. I can reflect on my flaws and improve on my strengths.
Whenever I read the blogs of others, they are more about their friends, bf,gf, and their family. It is fun to read, I like to see the happy side of people though I cannot interact well with people and simply hate some nasty people to the core. I like to uncover the truth before human behaviour, research on the brain thinking. As if people will read my blog, I blog to let myself know that I have this type of thoughts at this point of time. I like to refer to that time and compared it to the present and see if I have changed a lot or a little. It is boring and unnecessary, but I prefer it this way. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
2 Weeks Gone
It has been 2 weeks since I last blog, these 2 weeks has been busy , with the Economics test and accounting test. It is so strange, the system in SIM place huge emphasis on test, unlike in the local Universities. The Economics test contributs to 30% of my overall assessment, 30% and the weightage is just so great, 30 MCQs for 30 marks actually playing such an important role. Luckily, after the lecturer went through the answers with us, I scored in the mid 20s, not bad , despite having forgotten most of the things I learn in JC. However, for the accounts test, it is a different story, I only managed a bare pass. the ironical thing is that I am going to take most of my modules in accounting. So sad, but wad to do, have to work harder for the exams.
The exasperating thing is that I picked the right 'questions' , yet I could not remember the details. Worse still, the questions all came from the TB, so fed up with myself. I guess I am not really suited to take subjects with a lot of applications and theory, I hate to write so much that I do not even know what I am writing. I prefer subjects like Mathematics and Chemistry. I like the book-keeping part of accounts, it is so interesting though others find it boring, learning how to balance the balance sheet, seeing that all the ratios are related and the items related.
I am a number person, not a mechanical nor business guy, I prefer numbers to imaginative aspects of Mathematics to human science. Numbers can be seen unlike 3D trigo, vectors, mechanics, and human behaviour that are unidentificable. I am a rigid guy, I cannot imagine the 3D diagrams, nor can I relate to people mindset. So I choose Accounting as I only work with numbers, ratios and graphs, it is indeed mostly made up of this. How to write a balance sheet, income statement and cash flow statement. You need not think so much, and most importantly, the numbers provide a check, I am a really conscientious guy, I do not tolerate careless mistakes. I enjoy the accounting lectures but do not like the questions asked, they are so far fetched. The lecturer is really good, but the questions are so difficult.
Still, I must do well for accounting , at least get a credit for it as it is just the introductory part, in future it will get more difficult. Though I did not do so well for the accounts test which accounts for 20% of my total assessment for the module, I will continue to like accounts and must study for my accounts exams. Except for the 2 tests, this coming Tuesday, I am going to have a markeing test which accounts for 20% of my total assessment. I like marketing but too bad I am not very vocal, and the questions are just too difficult. Hopefully, I can pass all my modules and not repeat any of them.
The workload in SIM is really light but it is the exams and tests that made me so stressful. Plus, I tell myself that I have to succeed this time round after suffering a major setback. I enjoyed school, even doing tutorials but I am really sick of failures. The 2 weeks past by really quick, this week with a heavy econs lecture, the biz computing assignment to rush and the accounts tutorial to do, I am no longer so free in the weekends. That is why I only find time to blog till now.
The busy scedule also take away time for self reflection, so in this entry there are no philosophical and 'profound' thoughts. After the tests, it is the rushing of assignments then it is 2 weeks of revision and the exams. Busy, busy, busy......
Alright, I end here now.
The exasperating thing is that I picked the right 'questions' , yet I could not remember the details. Worse still, the questions all came from the TB, so fed up with myself. I guess I am not really suited to take subjects with a lot of applications and theory, I hate to write so much that I do not even know what I am writing. I prefer subjects like Mathematics and Chemistry. I like the book-keeping part of accounts, it is so interesting though others find it boring, learning how to balance the balance sheet, seeing that all the ratios are related and the items related.
I am a number person, not a mechanical nor business guy, I prefer numbers to imaginative aspects of Mathematics to human science. Numbers can be seen unlike 3D trigo, vectors, mechanics, and human behaviour that are unidentificable. I am a rigid guy, I cannot imagine the 3D diagrams, nor can I relate to people mindset. So I choose Accounting as I only work with numbers, ratios and graphs, it is indeed mostly made up of this. How to write a balance sheet, income statement and cash flow statement. You need not think so much, and most importantly, the numbers provide a check, I am a really conscientious guy, I do not tolerate careless mistakes. I enjoy the accounting lectures but do not like the questions asked, they are so far fetched. The lecturer is really good, but the questions are so difficult.
Still, I must do well for accounting , at least get a credit for it as it is just the introductory part, in future it will get more difficult. Though I did not do so well for the accounts test which accounts for 20% of my total assessment for the module, I will continue to like accounts and must study for my accounts exams. Except for the 2 tests, this coming Tuesday, I am going to have a markeing test which accounts for 20% of my total assessment. I like marketing but too bad I am not very vocal, and the questions are just too difficult. Hopefully, I can pass all my modules and not repeat any of them.
The workload in SIM is really light but it is the exams and tests that made me so stressful. Plus, I tell myself that I have to succeed this time round after suffering a major setback. I enjoyed school, even doing tutorials but I am really sick of failures. The 2 weeks past by really quick, this week with a heavy econs lecture, the biz computing assignment to rush and the accounts tutorial to do, I am no longer so free in the weekends. That is why I only find time to blog till now.
The busy scedule also take away time for self reflection, so in this entry there are no philosophical and 'profound' thoughts. After the tests, it is the rushing of assignments then it is 2 weeks of revision and the exams. Busy, busy, busy......
Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Busy schedule
Next week, I will be having 2 tests, Economics, Accounting test. After the setback last November, I dunno if I can still be able to handle tests and exams. I feel so guilty for not working as hard as I promised myself at the start of the semester, I just feel so strange. There wsa once when I am close to breakdown but now it is alright, just that I feel so insecure. No use telling myself or others about this, I am really tired, so much has happened in these 2 years that I am forced to be grow up.
In the past, I used to be scared of crowded places, but now it no longer bothers me. In the past, I used to be studies-focused now it is no longer the case. I tell myself not to brood over the past so much but sadly, too many things happened. The affectuations for a classmate, the army life, the re-exam, the failure to enter local U, the counselling, the disappointment for not being a student all made me so vexed. It all seem interconnected, the affectuation followed by the counselling followed by my NS life floowed by the rejection by the three local U followed by the re-exam followed by the disappointment now.
People might say that I am thinking too much, but I did not expect myself to go through all these for the past 3 years. Whenever I read the blogs of the others, they are so joyful and enjoyable to read. Why must my blog be so serious? Well, I can only say that I am not one who is optimistic and not be so goal oriented. My life have to be set according to my wishes and the purpose of my life is to be filial to my parents, be a professional, and have offsprings and then retire when I am old.
I actually thought about the purpose of life more than a dozen times before, are we here to seek gratifcation from our material world, and be bogged down by the so called rat race to maintan our status quo? Are we here to be just mere existence in this world. not as human beings? By thinking like this, life become so meaningless, all those wishes and regrets seem so insignificant, because I feel that I am not fit to be in this world, so maybe I should not have existed in the first place and cause pain to so many people I met.
However, human beings are afraid of death, imagine that one day you do not have feelings, thoughts and alone in a place so cold, so eerie, it is just so scary. You are not "yourself", if human beings have a chance to experience death and get resurrect then perhaps death would be just a journey in life, just like adulthood. We are afraid of death because we get love, warmth, meaning, and even happiness from living as a homosapien and not some existence. I would not want to die because there are so many good things in life, love, meaning, knowledge, wisdom, nature, nice people and happiness that I yearn for, plus there are a lot of things I have not experienced, love, being a parent, having a nice trip, knowing the cultures of others and the help to others to make this society more humane.
Indeed we are bogged down by the rat race, and it has become more of a challenge to be a teenager or even child than in the past. The more knowledgable we are, the more problems we have, it is the conflict between knowledge and ignorance that made the world so chaotic. However, if we can apply knowledge then knowledge won't be just knowledege but wisdom.Indeed, we often compared oursleves to others, we are so concerned with the challenges of being human that we forget that we are not the worst, of course we are not the best.
If we can have the wisdom to see a bigger picture and be more selfless, and seek to turn knowledge into wisdom, our lives wouldn't be so empty. Fortunately there are indeed people who are like this, but I am not one of them.
I understand that money and looks are superficial, the most important is the inner beauty of a person but I am being led to the beauty myth and that we are supposed to be earning lots of money to be 'happy'. One should be really strong willed and wise to be able to discern between meaning and intense satisfaction. If we do not have a life, we are just tools in the society to the others then I can only say that this might be just 'life' to us. Alright, I end here now.
In the past, I used to be scared of crowded places, but now it no longer bothers me. In the past, I used to be studies-focused now it is no longer the case. I tell myself not to brood over the past so much but sadly, too many things happened. The affectuations for a classmate, the army life, the re-exam, the failure to enter local U, the counselling, the disappointment for not being a student all made me so vexed. It all seem interconnected, the affectuation followed by the counselling followed by my NS life floowed by the rejection by the three local U followed by the re-exam followed by the disappointment now.
People might say that I am thinking too much, but I did not expect myself to go through all these for the past 3 years. Whenever I read the blogs of the others, they are so joyful and enjoyable to read. Why must my blog be so serious? Well, I can only say that I am not one who is optimistic and not be so goal oriented. My life have to be set according to my wishes and the purpose of my life is to be filial to my parents, be a professional, and have offsprings and then retire when I am old.
I actually thought about the purpose of life more than a dozen times before, are we here to seek gratifcation from our material world, and be bogged down by the so called rat race to maintan our status quo? Are we here to be just mere existence in this world. not as human beings? By thinking like this, life become so meaningless, all those wishes and regrets seem so insignificant, because I feel that I am not fit to be in this world, so maybe I should not have existed in the first place and cause pain to so many people I met.
However, human beings are afraid of death, imagine that one day you do not have feelings, thoughts and alone in a place so cold, so eerie, it is just so scary. You are not "yourself", if human beings have a chance to experience death and get resurrect then perhaps death would be just a journey in life, just like adulthood. We are afraid of death because we get love, warmth, meaning, and even happiness from living as a homosapien and not some existence. I would not want to die because there are so many good things in life, love, meaning, knowledge, wisdom, nature, nice people and happiness that I yearn for, plus there are a lot of things I have not experienced, love, being a parent, having a nice trip, knowing the cultures of others and the help to others to make this society more humane.
Indeed we are bogged down by the rat race, and it has become more of a challenge to be a teenager or even child than in the past. The more knowledgable we are, the more problems we have, it is the conflict between knowledge and ignorance that made the world so chaotic. However, if we can apply knowledge then knowledge won't be just knowledege but wisdom.Indeed, we often compared oursleves to others, we are so concerned with the challenges of being human that we forget that we are not the worst, of course we are not the best.
If we can have the wisdom to see a bigger picture and be more selfless, and seek to turn knowledge into wisdom, our lives wouldn't be so empty. Fortunately there are indeed people who are like this, but I am not one of them.
I understand that money and looks are superficial, the most important is the inner beauty of a person but I am being led to the beauty myth and that we are supposed to be earning lots of money to be 'happy'. One should be really strong willed and wise to be able to discern between meaning and intense satisfaction. If we do not have a life, we are just tools in the society to the others then I can only say that this might be just 'life' to us. Alright, I end here now.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Highly Senitive Guy (HSG)
There is already this term "SNAG", (Sensitive New Age Guy) which means that this type of guys are able to spare a thought for their actions and not only care about themselves. To me, to be a SNAG requires more than sensitvity, you require wisdom too. I term myself as a HSG as I realised that all this while I have been trying to fit into society's main stream but it failed. Since I cannot tell myself or succeed in conforming to society's standards, I rather be weird than to be so hard on myself.
Recently read a book on how to survive as a HSP(as girls are also highly sensitive), it teaches a lot of non-conforming attitudes and beliefs towards life on the whole. I always think that thistype of books are boring and lengthy, now instead they are informative and thought provoking, it is a benefit rather than a hassle and cost to read this typoe of books. I always thought that I am not sensitive to others, in fact, it is beacause I am too sensitive that I often think too much of hurting myself and others that I am so vexed.
There are many idealistic thoughts but it seem that as I grow older and become more matured( I hope I am), they are so impractical and worthless. In the past, used to be very concerned about not being a combatant but now it is as if nothing have happened. In life, there is no turning back and there is no ten years series for you to practice, no saving point, no definite formula to success, we must learn to be more practical and not be too far-fetched. That is the view I have of my life. People always say that do not dwell on the past, well, it is theoretically correct, practically, we must often have a sense of how we managed to be what we are today or what caused the change in us.
That is why though there are no saving point, there are diaries or memoires to help us record our mistakes and achievements. I used to think that it is stupid and girlish to write diariesas each day is almost the same, wake up. go to school, return home, eat , do homework, sleep and then the next day starts. However, as I grow older, each day is routinely the same but the thoughts I have and the incidents I encountered each day is different.My life is boring to others but not to me, my life is often full of incidents and I have too much thoughts at times that I have no mood for other things. I once resented this but now I realised at least I know what I want in life, how imparctical or nonsensical my goals are. Now, my diary is not just a record of the day, it lists down the thoughts as a result of some incidents, some books I read or the news I heard.
I am more comfortable staying indoors, and at times is shy plus I am highly sensitive. Suddenly, the words which I think will never be used on me are apt descriptives of me. I am a highly sensitive shy introvert currently. I based my life on practicality rather than gratification or satisfaction, I weigh every actions carefully and consider the repercussions of doing certain things. However, I failed to be rational in terms of affectuations and feelings. There are incidents which hurt me deeply, yet to the others, they are just part and parcel of their lives. I seek a flawless life in which there are no sudden illness, no conflicts, no war, no relationship problems.
Sadly, this ideal picture gets blurrer with my increasing maturity and the everchanging wiorld. I guess as human beings, we are here to reap what we sow, the changes we made, the advancements in our global village that we proudly claimed. That might be life for the people in today's society. Alright, I end here now.
Recently read a book on how to survive as a HSP(as girls are also highly sensitive), it teaches a lot of non-conforming attitudes and beliefs towards life on the whole. I always think that thistype of books are boring and lengthy, now instead they are informative and thought provoking, it is a benefit rather than a hassle and cost to read this typoe of books. I always thought that I am not sensitive to others, in fact, it is beacause I am too sensitive that I often think too much of hurting myself and others that I am so vexed.
There are many idealistic thoughts but it seem that as I grow older and become more matured( I hope I am), they are so impractical and worthless. In the past, used to be very concerned about not being a combatant but now it is as if nothing have happened. In life, there is no turning back and there is no ten years series for you to practice, no saving point, no definite formula to success, we must learn to be more practical and not be too far-fetched. That is the view I have of my life. People always say that do not dwell on the past, well, it is theoretically correct, practically, we must often have a sense of how we managed to be what we are today or what caused the change in us.
That is why though there are no saving point, there are diaries or memoires to help us record our mistakes and achievements. I used to think that it is stupid and girlish to write diariesas each day is almost the same, wake up. go to school, return home, eat , do homework, sleep and then the next day starts. However, as I grow older, each day is routinely the same but the thoughts I have and the incidents I encountered each day is different.My life is boring to others but not to me, my life is often full of incidents and I have too much thoughts at times that I have no mood for other things. I once resented this but now I realised at least I know what I want in life, how imparctical or nonsensical my goals are. Now, my diary is not just a record of the day, it lists down the thoughts as a result of some incidents, some books I read or the news I heard.
I am more comfortable staying indoors, and at times is shy plus I am highly sensitive. Suddenly, the words which I think will never be used on me are apt descriptives of me. I am a highly sensitive shy introvert currently. I based my life on practicality rather than gratification or satisfaction, I weigh every actions carefully and consider the repercussions of doing certain things. However, I failed to be rational in terms of affectuations and feelings. There are incidents which hurt me deeply, yet to the others, they are just part and parcel of their lives. I seek a flawless life in which there are no sudden illness, no conflicts, no war, no relationship problems.
Sadly, this ideal picture gets blurrer with my increasing maturity and the everchanging wiorld. I guess as human beings, we are here to reap what we sow, the changes we made, the advancements in our global village that we proudly claimed. That might be life for the people in today's society. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
ORD Liao
ORD ! Operational Ready Date is what half of the population is talking about when they are enlisted in the National Service. I know it is not right to think of ORDing all the time but in the army, every NSFs will talk about this three letter acronym. It is almost all NSFs' goal in their NS life to ORD. Now I finally ORD and I am glad I fulfil my 2 years 4 months of obligations to the country though I am a service personnel. I like to thank my parents for their support, my friends for their help, god for letting me have a learning experience rather than wasting that period of time and of course myself for bearing through the 2 years 4 months.
I know I have in the course of NS provoked certain people becasue of my tactless antics but this is life, no one is perfect and you cannot expect everyone to have a good impression of you. I do not wish to talk about NS anymore now that I am out of the obligations. From now on, I am a NS men and no longer a NSF. Actually, thinking through, these period have past by quite fast, it is 2 yaers indeed but 2 years out of the 80 years of existence on average is just abt 2 %- 3 % the most. Of course, a lot of untruth can be generated using percentages, you can also manipulate the numbers by setting a narrower base. I can say that compared to the 12 years of pre-adult education, 2 years is a significant percentage, about 16.66666667%. There will be different. That is why I think as human beings, we must not misuse numbers and be numerically illeterate.
In life, there are so many changes each day, so many uncertainties, so many events happening. If we list down each type of canges it will be endless and to categorise them is a neverending task as our perceptions changed with the environment. I only believe in knowledge being the fixed entity in the world, people can change, information can change, environment can change, climate can change, thoughts can change but only knowledge and wisdom will not change. We often ask oursleves why we exist in the first place but forget that we are fortunate to be a living person.
In life, we are forever seeking to live better, to make our existence to living. Rather than thinking of the impossible answer of why we exist, we could think about what can we do to make our environment , our fellow homosapiens more humane, our closed ones happy and our thinking more efficient.This is the real meaning of life and not mere existence. This is my life so I will live it to the fullest. Alright, I end here now.
I know I have in the course of NS provoked certain people becasue of my tactless antics but this is life, no one is perfect and you cannot expect everyone to have a good impression of you. I do not wish to talk about NS anymore now that I am out of the obligations. From now on, I am a NS men and no longer a NSF. Actually, thinking through, these period have past by quite fast, it is 2 yaers indeed but 2 years out of the 80 years of existence on average is just abt 2 %- 3 % the most. Of course, a lot of untruth can be generated using percentages, you can also manipulate the numbers by setting a narrower base. I can say that compared to the 12 years of pre-adult education, 2 years is a significant percentage, about 16.66666667%. There will be different. That is why I think as human beings, we must not misuse numbers and be numerically illeterate.
In life, there are so many changes each day, so many uncertainties, so many events happening. If we list down each type of canges it will be endless and to categorise them is a neverending task as our perceptions changed with the environment. I only believe in knowledge being the fixed entity in the world, people can change, information can change, environment can change, climate can change, thoughts can change but only knowledge and wisdom will not change. We often ask oursleves why we exist in the first place but forget that we are fortunate to be a living person.
In life, we are forever seeking to live better, to make our existence to living. Rather than thinking of the impossible answer of why we exist, we could think about what can we do to make our environment , our fellow homosapiens more humane, our closed ones happy and our thinking more efficient.This is the real meaning of life and not mere existence. This is my life so I will live it to the fullest. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, August 18, 2006
The past 2 weeks
Been really relaxed nowadays, the first week was fast but this week was alright, got time to go to the library and even went for a swim on Thursday.I enjoyed being a student, the absence of politics and the freedom I have as a student. I know I am more capable as a clerk than a student but that is in the past, now I am going to enjoy myself as a student. Everyday, I get to eat delicious food, see a lot of good looking couples and listen to wacky or perhaps not, just lively lecturers giving their best in conducting the lessons. If there is no need to have exams then I would be more than happy.
In the past, I used to like exams as I do pretty well, if not perhaps acceptable in them. However, after so many setbacks , I began to question the purpose of exams, why are there exams in the first place? No matter how I might destest exams, in order to get past each semester, there is a need to clear the exams. Actually, passing will not be much of a problem but doing well is another totally different thing. I dare not hope for anything, just that I will be okay these 3-4 years.
There are a lot of thoughts in my mind recently that I am reluctant to pen them down as it requires a lot of time and the more I write, the more vexed I get. I know that there was once I feel so stressed that I ruined a supposedly enjoyable day for the whole family. I regretted it but what can I do? A lot of things are beyond my control, my shy and sensitive nature made people mistaken me as a cocky and selfish guy. In the past, I really believe that I am very bad, but after being tekan and ordered, I find that at least I am better than those people, I pity them that they do not even know they are atrocious and notorious and thinks that they are great.
I try to put away the idealistic thoughts but somehow I feel so insecured by not having these 'gauges'. So I often get so lost by not able to attain the high expectations I have of myself. Now, I am happier, but feel guilty that the past week, I have not done all that I planned. Be it the area games, friendship, studies, army, family, I always want to do to the extent of being flawless and complete that I feel overwhelmed by the prefection sometimes. Anyway, I just want to get past the army as soon as possible which is coming next Tuesday.
On one hand, I thought I have changed for the better but it seems that I have not changed much. Sudddenly, I am just like the shy and reserved guy I used to be in NYJC. In the army, I can talk to fellow campmates for hours and be an active listener. Now, I do not want to invest my time on making friends though it will be fun to know the people there. Actually, I would like some close friends just like I did in the army but I tell myself that it is better to be alone at least you won't get hurt. In the army, you have to rely on friends a lot and with the absencce of famiy members to support you, friends become more important.This is the reason I can give to myself for being the same.
Afterall, I might be just making use of the kind and friendly campmates I have, when I am out of army, I turn my back against them. I cannot be sure that it is really this case, if it is, well, then I haven't changed for the better which I thought I had. At least I once experience the joy of having some really close friendship. I expect that beside the person I love, i will not have close frienships with anyone, be it guy or girl. Perhaps it is that I need to be noticed before I can be someone's friend. In the army, some people are making use of me, outside, I do not have such high value of usage, that is why I do not even have such "friends". Well, anyway, it would be unfair to the other party if he/she have to make the first move and yet I refused to commit to the friendship.
It is fine with me as I am there to study not to be a kaypoh, poking into other people's business. I am just puzzled as to why I suddenlt revert to the previous self . I might have changed for the better or not , but does it matter? There are at least 20 thoughts in my mind now, but I will not pen them down here. Alright, I end here now.
In the past, I used to like exams as I do pretty well, if not perhaps acceptable in them. However, after so many setbacks , I began to question the purpose of exams, why are there exams in the first place? No matter how I might destest exams, in order to get past each semester, there is a need to clear the exams. Actually, passing will not be much of a problem but doing well is another totally different thing. I dare not hope for anything, just that I will be okay these 3-4 years.
There are a lot of thoughts in my mind recently that I am reluctant to pen them down as it requires a lot of time and the more I write, the more vexed I get. I know that there was once I feel so stressed that I ruined a supposedly enjoyable day for the whole family. I regretted it but what can I do? A lot of things are beyond my control, my shy and sensitive nature made people mistaken me as a cocky and selfish guy. In the past, I really believe that I am very bad, but after being tekan and ordered, I find that at least I am better than those people, I pity them that they do not even know they are atrocious and notorious and thinks that they are great.
I try to put away the idealistic thoughts but somehow I feel so insecured by not having these 'gauges'. So I often get so lost by not able to attain the high expectations I have of myself. Now, I am happier, but feel guilty that the past week, I have not done all that I planned. Be it the area games, friendship, studies, army, family, I always want to do to the extent of being flawless and complete that I feel overwhelmed by the prefection sometimes. Anyway, I just want to get past the army as soon as possible which is coming next Tuesday.
On one hand, I thought I have changed for the better but it seems that I have not changed much. Sudddenly, I am just like the shy and reserved guy I used to be in NYJC. In the army, I can talk to fellow campmates for hours and be an active listener. Now, I do not want to invest my time on making friends though it will be fun to know the people there. Actually, I would like some close friends just like I did in the army but I tell myself that it is better to be alone at least you won't get hurt. In the army, you have to rely on friends a lot and with the absencce of famiy members to support you, friends become more important.This is the reason I can give to myself for being the same.
Afterall, I might be just making use of the kind and friendly campmates I have, when I am out of army, I turn my back against them. I cannot be sure that it is really this case, if it is, well, then I haven't changed for the better which I thought I had. At least I once experience the joy of having some really close friendship. I expect that beside the person I love, i will not have close frienships with anyone, be it guy or girl. Perhaps it is that I need to be noticed before I can be someone's friend. In the army, some people are making use of me, outside, I do not have such high value of usage, that is why I do not even have such "friends". Well, anyway, it would be unfair to the other party if he/she have to make the first move and yet I refused to commit to the friendship.
It is fine with me as I am there to study not to be a kaypoh, poking into other people's business. I am just puzzled as to why I suddenlt revert to the previous self . I might have changed for the better or not , but does it matter? There are at least 20 thoughts in my mind now, but I will not pen them down here. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Some updates
On monday, I officially got enrolled as a student of SIM and on the first day, lectures are already starting on that day. It brings back the memories of the good old JC days. Though I am not able to enter into local University, I am contented to be able to study a course that have preference over engineering courses. It is not going to be easy and I do not have much confidence in myself, just want to attend lectures, do the tutorials, just like what I have been doing in JC. I know that passsing is not a problem but I am not really able to interpret the questions correctly so I have the knowledge but do not answer the question.
You might say why not do a good job in undestanding the question but I do not have much confidence in myself to be able to do that. I hope I can be studious just like I used to be though it has been almost 3 years I am a student. Actually, I expect myself to be even more hardworking, as in the past, I could not do well even in a simple combi, not to mention I have to tackle a harder course and the subjects are so heavy. Thus I really put my mind to study and nothing else. However, sadly, I know in the end, it will be the same, I might just pass, and continue to hurt the people I like and I will be more vexed. Why am I like that?
Ideally, I must do well, study harder, be more analytical, and not be emotionally involved with anyone. Sadly, the more ideal I want my life to be , the more worse it gets. Anyway, no matter what, I will be the same old me as I have been for the 12 years of studies I undergo, the studious and nerdy guy I used to be. I will attend the lectures, do the tutorials as the lectures cost $100 per session , plus the additional $200 per month of expenses, adding up, the course costs $35000. On average,it is $5000 for half a year, $800 over dollars a month. It is double the pay when I was a clerk in the army. So be it for myself or for my father who put in so much money, I must work hard.
Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to do well because of my intellect, I do not wish for anyting else, just that I can graduate and not let my father and myself down. I know I am getting paranoid, over anxious again, but I cannot help it. It is rather pressurizing even now as it involves a lot of money plus the previous failures I encountered, I will endure and strive on. I do not want to hope for anything, just that I will do my part by being a committed student be it whether I will do well or not.
The first week is really packed, with the leturers covering so much content in a week that I do not have time to slack. It is good at least I do not have much time to be engrossed in my absurd and irrational thoughts. Met some new friends , they are amiable and do not mind being friends with me. It is just that I sometimes do not agree to their views and I could not click with them as they lead a different kind of private life from me. Still, I thank them for being so nice to me , I am sorry if I am too weird but that is me. I will not compromise my studies anymore for useless things now. I am looking forward to a busy but enjoyable life for the next 3.5 years. Alright, I end here now.
You might say why not do a good job in undestanding the question but I do not have much confidence in myself to be able to do that. I hope I can be studious just like I used to be though it has been almost 3 years I am a student. Actually, I expect myself to be even more hardworking, as in the past, I could not do well even in a simple combi, not to mention I have to tackle a harder course and the subjects are so heavy. Thus I really put my mind to study and nothing else. However, sadly, I know in the end, it will be the same, I might just pass, and continue to hurt the people I like and I will be more vexed. Why am I like that?
Ideally, I must do well, study harder, be more analytical, and not be emotionally involved with anyone. Sadly, the more ideal I want my life to be , the more worse it gets. Anyway, no matter what, I will be the same old me as I have been for the 12 years of studies I undergo, the studious and nerdy guy I used to be. I will attend the lectures, do the tutorials as the lectures cost $100 per session , plus the additional $200 per month of expenses, adding up, the course costs $35000. On average,it is $5000 for half a year, $800 over dollars a month. It is double the pay when I was a clerk in the army. So be it for myself or for my father who put in so much money, I must work hard.
Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to do well because of my intellect, I do not wish for anyting else, just that I can graduate and not let my father and myself down. I know I am getting paranoid, over anxious again, but I cannot help it. It is rather pressurizing even now as it involves a lot of money plus the previous failures I encountered, I will endure and strive on. I do not want to hope for anything, just that I will do my part by being a committed student be it whether I will do well or not.
The first week is really packed, with the leturers covering so much content in a week that I do not have time to slack. It is good at least I do not have much time to be engrossed in my absurd and irrational thoughts. Met some new friends , they are amiable and do not mind being friends with me. It is just that I sometimes do not agree to their views and I could not click with them as they lead a different kind of private life from me. Still, I thank them for being so nice to me , I am sorry if I am too weird but that is me. I will not compromise my studies anymore for useless things now. I am looking forward to a busy but enjoyable life for the next 3.5 years. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Going for my studies
On friday, I am officially free from the meaningless things that have been bothering me all these while, It is a relief as I did all I could and all that I want. I did not owe anyone anything and no one owes me anything. Although people might say that being a clerk is really relaxed, the stress that we sometimes go through and the anger that we cannot express sometimes make me wonder why am I here to be scolded by someone who received lesser education than I. There are times when I wanted to shout back but I do not want to be accused of insubordination so I held back. It is true that we only need to experience mental stress unlike the combatants having to endure both physical and mental stress, being treated worse than dogs by some psychotic superiors.
Of course, in the SAF, there are few cases of abuse and exploitation, so our NSFs are treated humanely most of the times. I do not blame the SAF for having such psychotic superiors, the culprits are taking the government money and making lifes of the NSFs very difficult. In any organisation, there will be black sheeps, so it is okay. I am not so stupid as to be verbally abused by these psychotic superiors repeatedly, if they overdo it, I will complain to the higher commanders and make sure that they will learn the lesson of not being too cocky and think of themselves as indispensable. Not to mean any offence, those who scolded vulgarities are those who are not cultured and most of them do not have much tasks. For those who are very busy, they are more capable and too busy to bother about their subordinates. It is important not to be the same as them , as it puts me the same level as them. I do not blame them for being lowly educated, at least I am luckier so why should I degrade myself?
Anyway, be it happy or sad, I am out of the place now, why brood over some idiotic people who once made my life miserable. I admit I am much luckier as I need not endure physical stress and made to do things that are far beyond me. However, it is sometimes hard to accept that you wasted 2 years plus to be abused by people. In the past, I used to be very quiet and the teachers do not even scold me not mention scolding vulgarities. There are also very nice regulars and it is a pleasure to work for them. In these 2 years, I learn not to be bullied by people so easily, and not be bothered by those idiots. I also learn to work with people. I gain a lot of life skills and learn to be humble.
Right now, I believe the idiots cannot make me do anything as I am a civillian and I am able to concentrate on my studies. Fortunately, the amount of fond memories outweighs the amount of upleasant encounters, especially with those idiots. I am ready to lead a new life now. Alright, I end here now.
Of course, in the SAF, there are few cases of abuse and exploitation, so our NSFs are treated humanely most of the times. I do not blame the SAF for having such psychotic superiors, the culprits are taking the government money and making lifes of the NSFs very difficult. In any organisation, there will be black sheeps, so it is okay. I am not so stupid as to be verbally abused by these psychotic superiors repeatedly, if they overdo it, I will complain to the higher commanders and make sure that they will learn the lesson of not being too cocky and think of themselves as indispensable. Not to mean any offence, those who scolded vulgarities are those who are not cultured and most of them do not have much tasks. For those who are very busy, they are more capable and too busy to bother about their subordinates. It is important not to be the same as them , as it puts me the same level as them. I do not blame them for being lowly educated, at least I am luckier so why should I degrade myself?
Anyway, be it happy or sad, I am out of the place now, why brood over some idiotic people who once made my life miserable. I admit I am much luckier as I need not endure physical stress and made to do things that are far beyond me. However, it is sometimes hard to accept that you wasted 2 years plus to be abused by people. In the past, I used to be very quiet and the teachers do not even scold me not mention scolding vulgarities. There are also very nice regulars and it is a pleasure to work for them. In these 2 years, I learn not to be bullied by people so easily, and not be bothered by those idiots. I also learn to work with people. I gain a lot of life skills and learn to be humble.
Right now, I believe the idiots cannot make me do anything as I am a civillian and I am able to concentrate on my studies. Fortunately, the amount of fond memories outweighs the amount of upleasant encounters, especially with those idiots. I am ready to lead a new life now. Alright, I end here now.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Finally it is over
Next week will be my last week in camp, it is going to be rather rush . After 2 years plus in SGC, I can't deny I do have feelings for that place, for the people I met. I did not expect to have at least a dozen of close friends, in the pats, I do not have more than three good friends. I met over 250 people in a short span of 2 years 3 months, people might think I am too free that I can count the number of people I worked with but I am just like that if not I won't feel at ease.
There are certain habits that I failed to cahnge, one of them is digging of my ears, but there are significant changes, I am more able to talk to people now. Still, I am rather shy with unfamiliar people, it is natural.
I am more lucky in the sense that the experience changed me to a more confident and amiable person. Seeing most people complain about how tough their army life is in the blogs, I can just say that I am luckier. 3.5 working days and I am going to embark on a new journey. I have done all I could to make the best out of the 2 years 4 months, I even took a re-exam for my A levels during this period. Though it is a failed attmept , it taught me that once you have put in your best , there should be no regrets. I can say that I did put in a lot of effort for the exams, afterall, it is tough juggling work and studies at the same time. I failed to do a good job, what to do?
My relationship with girls is still the same, though the girl I like already has a bf, I am the least hurt as I know it is a one sided thing. Anyway, I believe such things cannot be forced, if not I will end up hurting myself and the other party. I have also done all I want for the 2 years 4 months. My personality have changed but I believe at times, I still prefer to be alone. When you are alone, you can really face yourself, reflect on your actions. Sometimes, we are too harsh with oursleves, to other people, it is the time for us to think through certain issues. I am too ambitious sometime, too perfectionistic, too self centred at times, it is through these sessions that I try to remedy the flaws.
I do not know why my entries are always filled with thoughts unlike other people who can write about their happy outings or encounter with nasty people. Perhaps I am just like that, always full of thoughts and fail to realise that in fact I am really lucky. Yesterday, just heard a story on the radio. It is about an angel meeting young poet who is good looking, talented, young and have a beautiful wife lamenting that he does not have happiness. Then the angel ask the poet why he is unhappy though he already have such good life. The poet replied that he needs happiness. The angel took away the things the poet own , his looks, fortune, talents and his youth. After one month, he returned to see the poet in a poor state. He gave the poet everything he owned before, and now the poet thanked the angel and was very happy. Sometimes, we only looked at the good things others are in possession of, failing to realise that we are ourselves much luckier. Of course, I do not want myself to lose all that I have now, but sometimes I just want more.
Human beings are so strange, most of us do not realise that we should be contented with what we possess. It is only that when we lose the things that we lament at how great our lifes used to be in the past. I envy those people who can be contented with their lifes, at least they will not have much regrets and desires. Though my life is quite good now, I still blame myself for not achieving more and I still want more good things. That is why even if right now I get all I want and live a flawless and "conflictless" life, I will still find things to be unhappy about. Well, that is me, I accept myself to have this type of thinking.
According to the Chinese saying, "zhi zu chang le", we should be contented with our lives and we will always be happy. However, only a handful of the people I know can do that, regradless of race, financial background, country and religion, we are born to be competitive. The famous theory of the survival of the fittest already proved this. Those who can be contented with their lives are the most blessed and fortunate.
I might be wrong but after writing this, I am much at ease. Alright, I end here now.
There are certain habits that I failed to cahnge, one of them is digging of my ears, but there are significant changes, I am more able to talk to people now. Still, I am rather shy with unfamiliar people, it is natural.
I am more lucky in the sense that the experience changed me to a more confident and amiable person. Seeing most people complain about how tough their army life is in the blogs, I can just say that I am luckier. 3.5 working days and I am going to embark on a new journey. I have done all I could to make the best out of the 2 years 4 months, I even took a re-exam for my A levels during this period. Though it is a failed attmept , it taught me that once you have put in your best , there should be no regrets. I can say that I did put in a lot of effort for the exams, afterall, it is tough juggling work and studies at the same time. I failed to do a good job, what to do?
My relationship with girls is still the same, though the girl I like already has a bf, I am the least hurt as I know it is a one sided thing. Anyway, I believe such things cannot be forced, if not I will end up hurting myself and the other party. I have also done all I want for the 2 years 4 months. My personality have changed but I believe at times, I still prefer to be alone. When you are alone, you can really face yourself, reflect on your actions. Sometimes, we are too harsh with oursleves, to other people, it is the time for us to think through certain issues. I am too ambitious sometime, too perfectionistic, too self centred at times, it is through these sessions that I try to remedy the flaws.
I do not know why my entries are always filled with thoughts unlike other people who can write about their happy outings or encounter with nasty people. Perhaps I am just like that, always full of thoughts and fail to realise that in fact I am really lucky. Yesterday, just heard a story on the radio. It is about an angel meeting young poet who is good looking, talented, young and have a beautiful wife lamenting that he does not have happiness. Then the angel ask the poet why he is unhappy though he already have such good life. The poet replied that he needs happiness. The angel took away the things the poet own , his looks, fortune, talents and his youth. After one month, he returned to see the poet in a poor state. He gave the poet everything he owned before, and now the poet thanked the angel and was very happy. Sometimes, we only looked at the good things others are in possession of, failing to realise that we are ourselves much luckier. Of course, I do not want myself to lose all that I have now, but sometimes I just want more.
Human beings are so strange, most of us do not realise that we should be contented with what we possess. It is only that when we lose the things that we lament at how great our lifes used to be in the past. I envy those people who can be contented with their lifes, at least they will not have much regrets and desires. Though my life is quite good now, I still blame myself for not achieving more and I still want more good things. That is why even if right now I get all I want and live a flawless and "conflictless" life, I will still find things to be unhappy about. Well, that is me, I accept myself to have this type of thinking.
According to the Chinese saying, "zhi zu chang le", we should be contented with our lives and we will always be happy. However, only a handful of the people I know can do that, regradless of race, financial background, country and religion, we are born to be competitive. The famous theory of the survival of the fittest already proved this. Those who can be contented with their lives are the most blessed and fortunate.
I might be wrong but after writing this, I am much at ease. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, July 14, 2006
10 more days to go
Yipee! It has finally come to this stage of my life when I am ending my 2 years 4 months journey in NS soon. A lot of thoughts kept lingering in my mind and it is a strange feeling. Perhaps I am much lukier, I did not suffer much during my NS life. That is why I can afford to have fond memories of the times spent with close friends and not just bad and unpleasant memories.
Suddenly, I remember the time when I first set off to Tekong with my parents, it seem to be a long time. Still, in my mind, I will never forget having a caring Platoon Sergeant and a good section commander. Thus the time spent in Tekong is the most memorable though perhaps not the happiest. At that time, we got to try many new stuffs and almost everyone work together to overcome the new challenges. All of a sudden, I like to write the thoughts of being a clerk.
Being a clerk is more safe but less exciting, anyway, I am gald I can be a capable clerk and not a cockster. At times, I will think about what do I really want to get from this 2 years plus. However, now I can say that the time spent is not wasted as I changed for the better and have a more mature thinking. A lot of people complain about what a waste of time and resticion of freedom NS is. Some who are downgraded think that being a clerk is really a total watse of time. It is true to a certain extent, being a clerk can be challenging too as there are a lot of different clerks: Manpower, Log , Training, Signal, Combat and of these, it is subdivided into document clerk, trainer clerk, training clerk, finance clerk, training support clerk, IPPT clerk, Publication clerk, IPPT clerk, mob clerk, brigade clerk, Log clerk, combat clerk, PAs and store clerk etc......
I am a trainer cum training support clerk cum IPPT clerk, so it can get quite busy at times. Being a clerk does not mean you sit in the office the whole day though some really do that. For me, my job does not require me to be in the office the whole day, I can roam about to settle things but it is quite tiring at times. I admit that clerks are less physically inclined but we do play an indirect part in NS by providing services to active NSFs and NSmen. We do have a better life generally, and most of us are slackers, but that does not render us as good for nothings like what my previous training warrant thought. In fact, it is up to the individual whether he bother to learn more each day as there are new challenges daily. We do have our hard times when we deal with unreasonable and rude superiors.
By the way, I am quite surprised that I can change for the better and make the 2 years a pleasant and fruitful experience. Soon, I am embarking on another journey full of unprecedented happenings and challenges.I believe I will learn even more things on this journey. Alright, I end here now.
Suddenly, I remember the time when I first set off to Tekong with my parents, it seem to be a long time. Still, in my mind, I will never forget having a caring Platoon Sergeant and a good section commander. Thus the time spent in Tekong is the most memorable though perhaps not the happiest. At that time, we got to try many new stuffs and almost everyone work together to overcome the new challenges. All of a sudden, I like to write the thoughts of being a clerk.
Being a clerk is more safe but less exciting, anyway, I am gald I can be a capable clerk and not a cockster. At times, I will think about what do I really want to get from this 2 years plus. However, now I can say that the time spent is not wasted as I changed for the better and have a more mature thinking. A lot of people complain about what a waste of time and resticion of freedom NS is. Some who are downgraded think that being a clerk is really a total watse of time. It is true to a certain extent, being a clerk can be challenging too as there are a lot of different clerks: Manpower, Log , Training, Signal, Combat and of these, it is subdivided into document clerk, trainer clerk, training clerk, finance clerk, training support clerk, IPPT clerk, Publication clerk, IPPT clerk, mob clerk, brigade clerk, Log clerk, combat clerk, PAs and store clerk etc......
I am a trainer cum training support clerk cum IPPT clerk, so it can get quite busy at times. Being a clerk does not mean you sit in the office the whole day though some really do that. For me, my job does not require me to be in the office the whole day, I can roam about to settle things but it is quite tiring at times. I admit that clerks are less physically inclined but we do play an indirect part in NS by providing services to active NSFs and NSmen. We do have a better life generally, and most of us are slackers, but that does not render us as good for nothings like what my previous training warrant thought. In fact, it is up to the individual whether he bother to learn more each day as there are new challenges daily. We do have our hard times when we deal with unreasonable and rude superiors.
By the way, I am quite surprised that I can change for the better and make the 2 years a pleasant and fruitful experience. Soon, I am embarking on another journey full of unprecedented happenings and challenges.I believe I will learn even more things on this journey. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, July 07, 2006
The remaining days
Yipee! 15 working days and I am gone. A lot of thoughts though I am leaving soon. I have mature a lot through these 2 years plus. Still, my relationship with girls is still the same, at the friend level. The person I like already have a bf, so for the time being, I will not think about such things. Just went for my dental FFI this Wednesday, saw the officers from my unit, in their civillian clothing, they are just like ordinary guys like me. It is so strange that in camp , they are so differnent from us. Anyway, I do not know of any friends who are NSF officers in the SAF, so I guess in future, I would not have anything to do with them too. Plus, they are mostly in local Universities, so that made it even more rare to make friends with them.
For the past 2 years, I still remain a non-smoker, that is a really heartening thing, unlike what one of the enciks who said that learning to smoke will turn me into an adult. That is bullshit,I never once believe in it and I am glad that even without smoking, I am an adult now. I am not boycotting those who smoke but it is my choice to be a non-smoker, please respect my choice and don't come up with absurd reason to lurk me into smoking. I know that despite writing so much, my blog is not viewed by anyone, but now it serve as an avenue to pen my thoughts.
Being able to type is better than wriring as the handwriting is nicer and the speed is faster.
Next week, we are moving bunk again, so sian, it is the second time I am moving bunk during my time in SGC. Why should we move? I guess we do not have much choice, just do what you are told. One of the regular officers told me that in the army, just do what you are told, dun try to be a smart alex and do things you should not do. I have always do that, that is why I survived the 2 years, nowadays, the clerks need not serve 2 years in a unit, fairly less than 2 years. What I am trying to say is that just be obedient and dun be a smart alex and you will pass the 2 years safely. My time in my unit is not totally peaceful though, I treat it as a learning experience. My journey in the army is coming to an end soon and I hope I will ORD in peace. Alright, I end here now.
For the past 2 years, I still remain a non-smoker, that is a really heartening thing, unlike what one of the enciks who said that learning to smoke will turn me into an adult. That is bullshit,I never once believe in it and I am glad that even without smoking, I am an adult now. I am not boycotting those who smoke but it is my choice to be a non-smoker, please respect my choice and don't come up with absurd reason to lurk me into smoking. I know that despite writing so much, my blog is not viewed by anyone, but now it serve as an avenue to pen my thoughts.
Being able to type is better than wriring as the handwriting is nicer and the speed is faster.
Next week, we are moving bunk again, so sian, it is the second time I am moving bunk during my time in SGC. Why should we move? I guess we do not have much choice, just do what you are told. One of the regular officers told me that in the army, just do what you are told, dun try to be a smart alex and do things you should not do. I have always do that, that is why I survived the 2 years, nowadays, the clerks need not serve 2 years in a unit, fairly less than 2 years. What I am trying to say is that just be obedient and dun be a smart alex and you will pass the 2 years safely. My time in my unit is not totally peaceful though, I treat it as a learning experience. My journey in the army is coming to an end soon and I hope I will ORD in peace. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
20 more days to go!
In another month's time, I believe I will not be in SGC working anymore as I will be studying in SIM. This week has been quite tormenting as I was sick on Wednesday, the feeling is really hell.
Worse still, I still have to stand in for my colleague for the conduct of IPPT, how sian. Nevertheless, it was fortunate that nothing crops up if not the time taken will be longer.
I have been wondering whether I am too 'capable' that most people look for me to help them. It is nothing bad but one day I will have to leave and it is time to stop being so 'helpful' if not I will be like my colleague BEN Tan working even on his ORD day. Perhaps they are just making use of me, perhaps I am too sensitive. Anyway, I have planned my schedule for the next 4 weeks. It is going to be busy, FFI , clearance, leave forecast, duty, AFR and the outstanding tasks. Perhaps I am over ambitious, there are some tasks that I will never have enough time to accomplish but idealistically, I would like them to be done. In the end, I know in my heart that they will not be settled.
Be it happy or sad, be it painful or relieved, or just plain normal, that day will come. I guess I could still ORD without doing most of their outstanding tasks but I do not want to be irresponsible like my upper upper study who is the upperstudy of my upperstudy. In other words, he is sort of my senior. He dumped everything to my upperstudy and now I am still helping to clear some of his 'shit' aas my upperstudy was unable to do much due to his busy work schedule. However, sometimes, I thought of just dumping everything to others then I will ORD happily. I still want to be responsible as in future my work will require responsibility if now I am already so irresponsible, then in future I might become worse .
Anyway, I plan to do the major and crucial task first then do my clearance, and say bye bye to camp. I cannot afford to be too concerned with camp matters as I need to prepare for my study life. Hopefully, everything will go as planned. Alright, I end here now.
Worse still, I still have to stand in for my colleague for the conduct of IPPT, how sian. Nevertheless, it was fortunate that nothing crops up if not the time taken will be longer.
I have been wondering whether I am too 'capable' that most people look for me to help them. It is nothing bad but one day I will have to leave and it is time to stop being so 'helpful' if not I will be like my colleague BEN Tan working even on his ORD day. Perhaps they are just making use of me, perhaps I am too sensitive. Anyway, I have planned my schedule for the next 4 weeks. It is going to be busy, FFI , clearance, leave forecast, duty, AFR and the outstanding tasks. Perhaps I am over ambitious, there are some tasks that I will never have enough time to accomplish but idealistically, I would like them to be done. In the end, I know in my heart that they will not be settled.
Be it happy or sad, be it painful or relieved, or just plain normal, that day will come. I guess I could still ORD without doing most of their outstanding tasks but I do not want to be irresponsible like my upper upper study who is the upperstudy of my upperstudy. In other words, he is sort of my senior. He dumped everything to my upperstudy and now I am still helping to clear some of his 'shit' aas my upperstudy was unable to do much due to his busy work schedule. However, sometimes, I thought of just dumping everything to others then I will ORD happily. I still want to be responsible as in future my work will require responsibility if now I am already so irresponsible, then in future I might become worse .
Anyway, I plan to do the major and crucial task first then do my clearance, and say bye bye to camp. I cannot afford to be too concerned with camp matters as I need to prepare for my study life. Hopefully, everything will go as planned. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, June 23, 2006
35 days to go
In 35 days time, I am embarking on a new journey in my life. It has been 2 years 8 months since I studied. Life as a student will be even more challenging, and I have to move on with life. I hope I can go and leave peacefully, without any painful memories. A lot of admin stuff to do, ORD
clearance, AFR, leave forecast, leftover tasks. I do not yearn for much now, just quietly do everything that is needed.
I know I still have a long way to go before I can get everything I want, a career, stable income, leisure time and skills. In life, we yearn to be somebody but in the end are we really the "somebody" we yearn for in the first place? I do not wish to be ideal, perfect or outstanding, I just want to be myself. Sometimes, it is hard to be just yourself as it is not up to one to decide who he wants to be in this competitive society. Sometimes, society just cannot accept part of you and you have to change to being someone you do not even know.
How many people can actually be able to be himself and not just "somebody" in today's society?
Even that "somebody" we yearn for do want to be normal just like us. So after so much effort to be that somebody, we end up being neither that somebody or our true self. In order to survive, we have to wear many layers of masks that we feel so meaningless and lose interest in the things we do. The important thing is not to lose your own identity. Being a normal and true person is my aim. I have been trying to be one the past 2 years. Alright, I end here now.
clearance, AFR, leave forecast, leftover tasks. I do not yearn for much now, just quietly do everything that is needed.
I know I still have a long way to go before I can get everything I want, a career, stable income, leisure time and skills. In life, we yearn to be somebody but in the end are we really the "somebody" we yearn for in the first place? I do not wish to be ideal, perfect or outstanding, I just want to be myself. Sometimes, it is hard to be just yourself as it is not up to one to decide who he wants to be in this competitive society. Sometimes, society just cannot accept part of you and you have to change to being someone you do not even know.
How many people can actually be able to be himself and not just "somebody" in today's society?
Even that "somebody" we yearn for do want to be normal just like us. So after so much effort to be that somebody, we end up being neither that somebody or our true self. In order to survive, we have to wear many layers of masks that we feel so meaningless and lose interest in the things we do. The important thing is not to lose your own identity. Being a normal and true person is my aim. I have been trying to be one the past 2 years. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
2 YEARS IN SGC
It has been really fast, I have been in SGC for 2 years liao! 2 years ago, I am still a blur cock, now it is so different, a lot of things have changed, even the friendship I have with the girl I have a good impression of. Now she has alraedy have a bf, no point writing to her anymore lest there are ununecessary misunderstandings. Anyway, these 2 years have been a turning point in my life. From someone who is cocky and timid to a person more confident and humble. From someone who used to despise poly students to being great friends with them and being viewed as a poly student. I discovered that when it comes to friends, anyone can be my friend, it is just that I used to be cool and aloof. Poly students are more open and straightforward, it is really relaxing to be their friends.
In the span of 2 years, I learnt to be more brave and yet assertive. A lot of changes occurred, the transformation of a training centre to a training institute, the unsuccessful re-examination, the change of job scope. Although everything will be resetted after I ORD, it is an experience afterall. I also went to Thailand for once and experienced life overseas for 2 weeks.
I used to be perfectionistic and idealistic but the current me is more realistic and optimistic.
Though there are really miserable times, there are times of extreme happiness and joy. It is a learning period and a period of discovery as I am put to life challenges. I used to be someone indifferent and perhaps slightly autistic. Actually, sometimes, it is not others that boycott me rather it is my cool and aloof nature that shuns them away from me.
I believe these 2 years enable me to better survuve in the Universuty and the society. I still have a lot to learn from others. Alright, I edn here now.
In the span of 2 years, I learnt to be more brave and yet assertive. A lot of changes occurred, the transformation of a training centre to a training institute, the unsuccessful re-examination, the change of job scope. Although everything will be resetted after I ORD, it is an experience afterall. I also went to Thailand for once and experienced life overseas for 2 weeks.
I used to be perfectionistic and idealistic but the current me is more realistic and optimistic.
Though there are really miserable times, there are times of extreme happiness and joy. It is a learning period and a period of discovery as I am put to life challenges. I used to be someone indifferent and perhaps slightly autistic. Actually, sometimes, it is not others that boycott me rather it is my cool and aloof nature that shuns them away from me.
I believe these 2 years enable me to better survuve in the Universuty and the society. I still have a lot to learn from others. Alright, I edn here now.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Emptiness
Suddenly, I feel so empty inside. Be it leisure or camp stuff, it does not matter whether I fininsh the tasks or stuffs anymore. In the past, I used to be more motivated and I would engage in leisure activities to relax myself but now for the past 2 months, I feel so lethargic. I guess it is becasue school is starting soon, I am more interested in my studies than anything else. I did not complete guild wars, FF8 , FF10,tontie and sonic the hedgehog, anfd the books I read are sort of redundant. I do not even remeber 50% of the content. Moreover, I do not have much motivation to keep fit, to have a clean face. I realized that I have been really unhappy in the past, I even want to ensure I complete a game before going to the next one. I guess I was too rigid and perfectionist in the past. Though it is a bit uncomfortable, I will continue to be happy and not be bothered by these uncomplete tasks. I discovered that in life, one cannot be too obstinate and idealistic. Sometimes, things are beyond our control.
Ideally, the past 2 years should be spent in a combat unit, and I will study in local University afer I ORD which is supposedly next Friday.I should have gain more weight and be more maculine. However, I am now a clerk in SGC and still serving the nation. I failed to enter local U and instead have to fork out half of my University school fees. Though it is really the opposite from the ideal situation, I am still living well. I always think I would be so lucky as to live my life as what I plan but these setbacks taught me to think of alternatives and be more brave. I finally realized that my life cannot be so ideal anymore. The uncomplete tasks are small matters compared to the army posting and the academic setback.
Sometimes, I do feel uncomfortable for the "impefections" in my life, but I tell myself o live happily and gradually, there will be new challenges that I will have no time to feel unhappy over the past imperfections.For the uncomplete tasks, so be it, for the academic setback, well it served as a warning to me not to be complacent in future. For the NS posting, well, I am going to ORD so why bother. I just worry that now that I have free time, yet I do not want to do the things I want, what will happen when school starts, I might be lazy again. This time round, it involves a lot of money and it is no joking matter. Anyway, I am preparing myself for the course in the coming weeks. The past 2 months have been rather slack in camp as I find no meaning in doing so much for the army when I am leaving the camp soon. Now I am ensuirng that I do not leave behind outstanding tasks for my understudy adn colleagues. I lose my drive and it is normal as the job itself is not based on much of a motivation to start with. Alright, I end here now.
Ideally, the past 2 years should be spent in a combat unit, and I will study in local University afer I ORD which is supposedly next Friday.I should have gain more weight and be more maculine. However, I am now a clerk in SGC and still serving the nation. I failed to enter local U and instead have to fork out half of my University school fees. Though it is really the opposite from the ideal situation, I am still living well. I always think I would be so lucky as to live my life as what I plan but these setbacks taught me to think of alternatives and be more brave. I finally realized that my life cannot be so ideal anymore. The uncomplete tasks are small matters compared to the army posting and the academic setback.
Sometimes, I do feel uncomfortable for the "impefections" in my life, but I tell myself o live happily and gradually, there will be new challenges that I will have no time to feel unhappy over the past imperfections.For the uncomplete tasks, so be it, for the academic setback, well it served as a warning to me not to be complacent in future. For the NS posting, well, I am going to ORD so why bother. I just worry that now that I have free time, yet I do not want to do the things I want, what will happen when school starts, I might be lazy again. This time round, it involves a lot of money and it is no joking matter. Anyway, I am preparing myself for the course in the coming weeks. The past 2 months have been rather slack in camp as I find no meaning in doing so much for the army when I am leaving the camp soon. Now I am ensuirng that I do not leave behind outstanding tasks for my understudy adn colleagues. I lose my drive and it is normal as the job itself is not based on much of a motivation to start with. Alright, I end here now.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
A Normal Week
8 more weeks and I will be embarking on a new phase in my life. This week have been normal, nothing much, just plain normal. Yesterday, just performed duty clerk, I guess that is my duty clerk falling on weekend, my last weekend duty. On friday, my family and I went to Macperson food centre to have dinner to celebrate my mother's birthday. It was quite memorable not only because it is the first tome we dine at 8:30p.m in a food centre but aslo because of the dshes. The fish, kangkong and even the sotong (squid) are all spicy, making us really ' hot' inside. It is a bit too hard to accept but nevertheless they are quite tasty, I will remeber this outing because it is my first time tasting such a combo of spicy dishes. Life is peaceful for me luckily all this while. I think a normal week for me is this week , family outing, nights off and duty. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Getting nearer to ORD day
In 9 weeks time, I am going to clear my leave. Howevr unlike most of the guys, I am going to study at SIM. I got used to clearing my leave or off for my studies. At least I believed that in this way, the leave and off serve some purpose. I beleive that I have the right to clear my leave at one shot to go for my studies, my superior cannot stop me from doing that. Well, it is hard to say , I may be wrong. After the anniversary, I am going to embark on a new phase of my life. I guess by that time, army stuff and SAF will seem foriegn to me. A lot of things, mainly relations will change. The only thing that will not change is the fact that I spend 2 years 4 months in the army. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Change of course
On thursday, I just received a letter from SIM informing me that I have been offered a place for the course in accountancy held jointly by SIM and RMIT. I was overjoyed but at the same time worried that I will not be able to get the refund for the course in Mathematics woth Economics applied earlier on. Fortunately, I will be able to get the full refund if not the $4200 paid will be wasted. Though I got what I want, I still have to work very hard for the course if not it will be a waste. not everyone is as luvky as I am, I am just scared that I will not be ablre to cope with the hectic schedule. I tell myself not to be so complacnet and seek help when necessary. NTU rejected me once again, it is the third time but it no longer bother me so much. 10 more weeks and lessons will start. 10 weeks is a short period but anything can happen so I must persevere and not commit any mistakes and delay my ORD and pre-ORD leave. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
100 days to ORD
In exactly 100 days, I am going to ORD. 100 days is short but somehow I still feel a bit unhappy, I am still brooding over certain things. Aiyah, a lot of things is beyond my control, I just hope that for the next 100 days, i will not commit any mistakes. All that I want to do, I have done them. Perhaps it is this lack of aim that makes me so flustered. In the past, i am too busy to think about such issues bu now I actually become so complacent. How I wish I am not complacent then my NS life will be filled with fond memories rather than sickening encounters. Anyway, I tell myslef to bear with it. 100 days is really fast, my only hope is to ORD safely. Alright, i end here now.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Count down to ORD
In around 108 days, I am going to ORD liao! It is 15 weeks and 3 days, how fast it is but I have serve longer than most people. Today is election day but it does not concern me, and I know the outcome will always be the same. At least the election did add some spice to the " mundane and boring " life that Singaporeans lead. However, seriously speaking, i do not think the life being a Singaporean is boring. Instead, we are exposed to more ideas than our fellow Asian or even South East Asian counterparts. it is just that we are far more indifferent and more conscientious. Well, at least we have a stable government despite some minor complaints about day to day issues. Thus, I can feel safe in Sinagpore and worry about personal things rather than national issues. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Long weekend
This coming Monday is Labour Day and I get to enjoy an additional day at home. Till now, I really do not have much troubles and in 3 months time I am going to ORD. I suddenly find that time passes really slow in camp yet really fast at home. After Labour day, it is Vesak day on the following friday, another long weekend. Then it is 2 months plus before I clear my leave. I am really sick sometimes having to do so many things for the office yet what will I get in return. Sometimes, I feel I am really stupid but it is sort of a commitment towards my work. I also don't know jow to say it, perhaps I am just too timid at times and too indecisive. Alright, I end here.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
2 Years in the Army
It has been exactly 2 years since I am in the army. If I serve only 2 years like what most of the other guys do, then I would have ORD. Quite sian but at least I am not a combatantso it doesn't matter that much. 4 more months and I can ORD, it seem like a long time but it is going to pass by really fast. All the things I would like to do I did it, it is just that my re-exam is not successful. All is not lost yet, at least I did enter University like I wish so it is not that bad. The past 2 years have been tumultuous and yet peaceful. I learn a lot of things and I thank those who helped me in one way and another. I said it as if I had ORD but I am still in service. Well, I am just scared that 4 months later, I would have change a lot and the intended thoughts have changed. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Another week gone
This week has been realtively short, plus with most of my worries gone, it is quite relaxing. Yesterday, I just performed duty clerk, at first people might think I am unlucky but I felt lucky instead. I can clear my off on another day and settle my things. This week, two of my friends have ORD, how fast, it is going to be my turn soon. Though my NS life is not what I expect all this while, I have tried everything I want and most importantly, I benefited greatly from it. I know I am unlucky in a sense that I serve 4 months more than most people but threr are others who are worse off. Of course, if given a choice, I would like to have a combatant NS life as it is what I should do. However, I discovered that I am not really mentally fit before I enlist so I did not harm myself. Alright, I end here now.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
My decision
Just came back from SIM with my mother, it has been a long time since I am so close to my mother. This week has been fun but I spent a lot of money, hagen dazs ice cream, KFC meal, Mos Burger meal and today the mee soto and nasi lemak plus the arcade card. Nevertheless, I do not regret it, at least like my mother say, I have friends, it is better than being left alone.
However, I will never go clubbing because it is really ex and my parents will not agree to it.
I really set my mind to accept the offer, though I am not really satisfied. I do not have any choice left, it is quite sad, just like when you like someone but the person do not like you. Perhaps I am exaggerating but I do feel that way. No point saying all these, the journey ahead is going to be tough, no longer can I think of myself as very smart. I have to work hard and not be so complacent anymore. Alright, i end here now.
However, I will never go clubbing because it is really ex and my parents will not agree to it.
I really set my mind to accept the offer, though I am not really satisfied. I do not have any choice left, it is quite sad, just like when you like someone but the person do not like you. Perhaps I am exaggerating but I do feel that way. No point saying all these, the journey ahead is going to be tough, no longer can I think of myself as very smart. I have to work hard and not be so complacent anymore. Alright, i end here now.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Finally being accepted
On Wednesday, I was informed by my parents that I am being offered a place in SIM. i was overjoyed, finally I can study after I ORD. Though I still have some reservations, I think I should not ponder anymore. At least I can tell people I am going to study Maths and Econs after I ORD. At least I am not lingering around like a souless spirit, I can be more at ease.
4 more months to ORD, with a place in U, I can really concentrate on my leftover tasks in camp and hopefully, ny the time I ORD, I will not leave behind a lot of work for my understudy. For 1 year 9 months, I have been worrying over my future , now though it is not what I planned for, at least I am not left hanging in the air. Alright, I end here now.
4 more months to ORD, with a place in U, I can really concentrate on my leftover tasks in camp and hopefully, ny the time I ORD, I will not leave behind a lot of work for my understudy. For 1 year 9 months, I have been worrying over my future , now though it is not what I planned for, at least I am not left hanging in the air. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Another Week Gone
Time really past by quickly, it is good in a sense that I am going to ORD soon but somehow I am really scared that even after I ORD I will be jobless, no place in NTU, NUS , and even SIM. After 15 weeks of anxiety, I am greeted with disappointment. Now I have to wait for an additional 8 weeks for the reply. This time round, the feeling is less anxious, a bit sian and the time period is shorter. I have enough of disappointing moments these 3 years, from rejection by the local "U"s to anothre rejection to the bad results, I am really so tired but I have mautred a lot and grown up a lot.
Well, now it is wiser not to think so much, plus there are a lot of work to be done so it is manageable. 21 weeks 3 days to my ORD, just 5 more months and I can stay at home everyday, I should be happy. In 1 month's time, I will be a 2 year soldier and I will get a pay rise plus the additional $100 plus the upcoming holidays so it is not that bad. Alright, I end here now.
Well, now it is wiser not to think so much, plus there are a lot of work to be done so it is manageable. 21 weeks 3 days to my ORD, just 5 more months and I can stay at home everyday, I should be happy. In 1 month's time, I will be a 2 year soldier and I will get a pay rise plus the additional $100 plus the upcoming holidays so it is not that bad. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
BUSY BUSY BUSY
Yesterday, just went ot SIM open house, nothing very unusual. Aiyah, come to this point , do I have the right to choose, if I can enter SIM, I will be very happy. This week have been quite busy, the next 2 weeks will be worst, IPPT , lots of stuff to do plus weekend duty. Now have to worry about entry into University. The more I write the more vexed I am so the next 2 weeks are going to be busy, I end here now.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Life still goes on
Last Wednesday, 010306, I finally get to know my 'A' levels results. Aiyah, very sad, not only did I not maintain my previous standard, I deproved. What to do, it is really not easy to study and work at the same time, I had tried my best, it is the papers that are difficult. In the past, I can blame myself but now I just pity myself, after putting in so much effort, after getting so much support, I actually perform badly.
Being rejected by the three U twice, getting not so good results in the A levels, I guessed I am no longer so lucky. Life still goes on, and it is not the end. I am just sad that this time round, I want bettter results, in the end it has to be like that. What is there to cry? Crying will make one feel better but it is a cowardly behaviour. I thought I will be really depressed, but there is so much work in camp that I am too tired to think about this.
Sentry followed by conducting IPPT for Nsmen really tired me out, I do not even have time to go for the open house yesterday. Sometimes, I reallt wonder why I am so hardworking in camp that I neglect my future, just when I need time to think , I do not even get it. It is quite sad, but life still goes on. In 23 weeks 2 days, I am going to ORD but by then will I have a place in the three U, SIM, ACCA or will I have to go out to work? It is the first time I am feeling so lost. Nevertheless, as long as I have the courage to live on, nothing will be impossible. I end here now.
Being rejected by the three U twice, getting not so good results in the A levels, I guessed I am no longer so lucky. Life still goes on, and it is not the end. I am just sad that this time round, I want bettter results, in the end it has to be like that. What is there to cry? Crying will make one feel better but it is a cowardly behaviour. I thought I will be really depressed, but there is so much work in camp that I am too tired to think about this.
Sentry followed by conducting IPPT for Nsmen really tired me out, I do not even have time to go for the open house yesterday. Sometimes, I reallt wonder why I am so hardworking in camp that I neglect my future, just when I need time to think , I do not even get it. It is quite sad, but life still goes on. In 23 weeks 2 days, I am going to ORD but by then will I have a place in the three U, SIM, ACCA or will I have to go out to work? It is the first time I am feeling so lost. Nevertheless, as long as I have the courage to live on, nothing will be impossible. I end here now.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Finally it is coming
Heard from my family members that the A levels results will be released on Wednesday 010306. I am not as anxious as I expect myself to be perhaps due to the events in camp. Still, I am much more nervous than the time when I first get the results. I have worked hard for it and I definitely want to do well for it. However, I somehow expect myself not to do very well, perhaps a bit better than the previous time. I try not to predict what grades I will get but still in my mind I just have a guage. I am on tenterhooks and the feeling is really uncomfortable.The difference this time round is I worked hard for it and even if I did badly, even worse than the previous attempt, I know what it is like to put to effort for something. I have not put in so much effort in my life before, and I sort of think that 70 per cent of those who worked hard for something get the results they want, the remaining 30 per cent will not get it.
I don't know what to do sometimes, be it good or bad or just plain, I tell myself to be more brave than the previous time and try to plan for my future. Of course, I can say all these now, who knows how I will react when I know the results. it is a really strange feeling, partly nervous, partly despondent and partly indifferent. Hope that I can be brave enough to face up to the consequences. Alright, I end here now.
I don't know what to do sometimes, be it good or bad or just plain, I tell myself to be more brave than the previous time and try to plan for my future. Of course, I can say all these now, who knows how I will react when I know the results. it is a really strange feeling, partly nervous, partly despondent and partly indifferent. Hope that I can be brave enough to face up to the consequences. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Half a Year more to ORD
Yup! Still have a half a year more to go before I ORD. Half a year(184 days to be exact) is neither long nor short, a lot can happen in this remaining half a year. No matter what, I just hope that I can ORD in one piece and my family members are safe. In 2 weeks time, I guess last year A levels results will be released and I am feeling quite nervous about it, far more compared to 2 years ago. I have put in really a lot of effort in it and I hope to do well.
Tuesday was Valentime's day and as usual I was alone. In the past, never thought that the day could be significant but after knowing the person I like already have a state, i suddenly feel so useless. I tell myself not to have a gf till the age of 25 but it seems like when you see everyone else have a partner, you would feel so weird. Anyway, I know no matter what I won't be serious in a relationship till I get every of my wish fulfilled so why cause pain to others and myself when I am not willing to commit in a relaionship. I end here now.
Tuesday was Valentime's day and as usual I was alone. In the past, never thought that the day could be significant but after knowing the person I like already have a state, i suddenly feel so useless. I tell myself not to have a gf till the age of 25 but it seems like when you see everyone else have a partner, you would feel so weird. Anyway, I know no matter what I won't be serious in a relationship till I get every of my wish fulfilled so why cause pain to others and myself when I am not willing to commit in a relaionship. I end here now.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
An eventful week
This week in camp it is really busy. Starting from Monday, it is a lot of work till Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I am the duty clerk and on THursday I am forced to wake up early because of a blackout in the ops room, depriving me further of my already precious sleep. On tHursday, we have a CNY celebration and it is quite fun. yesterday, it is normal. Today, just have steamboat with my family members and this afternoon just bought an mp3 player. Also realized that the O levels results had been released yesterday, don't know when the A levels results will be released. Never mind just have to wait, I end here now.
On Wednesday, I am the duty clerk and on THursday I am forced to wake up early because of a blackout in the ops room, depriving me further of my already precious sleep. On tHursday, we have a CNY celebration and it is quite fun. yesterday, it is normal. Today, just have steamboat with my family members and this afternoon just bought an mp3 player. Also realized that the O levels results had been released yesterday, don't know when the A levels results will be released. Never mind just have to wait, I end here now.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Results stress
in about 3 more weeks, last year's A levels results is going to be released. Though it is the second time I am getting it and I sort of still disbelieve that I actually have to go through this ordeal one more time, I am more nervous than ever. If I fail this time, it is not the end of the world but I will be really sad. Aiyah, very sian and very uncomfortable, on one hand I want to get the results, on the other hand, I don't want to face the music. I really don't know what I want? Anyway, I tell myself to be strong whatever the outcome is.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Chinese New Year Celebration
What a boring CNY! I guessed I am the one to blame for spoiling my CNY. I don't know why I am so vexed. I thought I can put off everything and enjoy my new year but I can't. In 5 weeks time Iam going to get my A-levels results, I am nervous and scared at the same time. What if I do badly, What if I cannot take it What if I sink into depression again.
There are far too many "what if"s I don't want to think about it anymore, I just want to enter U that is all, is it too much to ask for? Is it? I end here now.
There are far too many "what if"s I don't want to think about it anymore, I just want to enter U that is all, is it too much to ask for? Is it? I end here now.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
jing di zhi wa( Myopic guy)
Yesterday, just went to Marina Bay to have a steamboatcum barbecue cum buffet dinner. There are altogether ten of us ( Chin, Zhuo, Adrian, Kenny,Royce, myself, Larry, Junhong, Joseph and Ivan). On the journey there, I thought about my new year resolution. I dun know, I know I have brighten up a lot but somehow thre seem to be something missing. I know I will always be this myopic and low self esteem guy. I will always be this jing di zhi wa, kinda sad but I am really happy to have everything I yearn for. Does looks really play a vital part in a person's life? Or am I too concerned with looks? nevermind, I just want to be a normal guy, that's all.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Heck Care Attitude
All of the sudden, nothing excites me nor upsets me, I become so indifferent in such a short period of time. Yestserday, just performed duty clerk, luckily, it was peaceful. I am always this lucky when it comes to doing duty. There are indeed unpleasant incidents and people but what is the use of brooding over them. Just 32 weeks, I am going to ORD, the feeling is strange. Now the most important thing is my results which I will be getting on the first week of March. If everything turns up well, then, there isn't anything for me to feel vexed over anymore.
For the past 1 year 8months, it has been a tumultous period, with extremely happy incidents and extremely irritating incidents. There are inevitably some people whom I provoke and even hurt during this period. I am sorry for being insensible and childish and over paranoid.Nothing more to add, just that I can ORD in one piece with my family anf friends safe and sound.
For the past 1 year 8months, it has been a tumultous period, with extremely happy incidents and extremely irritating incidents. There are inevitably some people whom I provoke and even hurt during this period. I am sorry for being insensible and childish and over paranoid.Nothing more to add, just that I can ORD in one piece with my family anf friends safe and sound.
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