Exams Coming

Hai! Exams are coming again, beside 2004, I have exams every year since P1, being a lao jiao in exams(13 years), exams are not alien to me. However, now exams seem so sian and a waste of time to me. I ask myself why there is a need for exams, they only make me feel demoralized. In the past, there was once when I liked exams as I did well in exams. Now, after falling greatly in the A levels, I can't say the same.

The feeling is so strange, last year I am preparing for the A levels, this year, I am preparing for the finals. I just feel so strange, it is like a long time but in fact it is just a year. Last year, I did not blog for half a year so I did not write down my feelings back then. I don't know what will happen next year, I just know that this time round, it is not about entering U but rather just passing the exams. So the pressure is lesser, but still I must work hard after paying so much for the course.

After checking the portal, I know that I got 2 HDs for the 2 tests, accounting and economics. I am glad that I did well, but the finals still counts, so must not fail in the finals. If I was in local U and I got such good test grades, then I would be really happy. Well. at least my confidence is back, I feel more motivated and not demoralized. Thank god for letting me be safe and sound all this while. My entries nowadays will be more about my studies and not anything else. In the past, it was about a week happenings, mostly about camp stuff. I am not a people person so I do not expect myself to blog about so and so, or outings( as I do not have many friends to go with).

To me, I find that in my life, the most difficult is to face people , especially people I don't like. In the army, I remember being really very miserable facing an unreasonable and uncultured warrant officer. Of course, now he is just a uncultured and pitiful old man who scolds vulgarities and will have difficulty have people working for him in future after he got retrenched by the army. Why should I be as uncultured as him and scold him, he will gat his just deserts someday. Now, I seldom talk to people as I find that the more I revealed about myself the more people might use it against me. I am not saying that all humans are bad, but I find it unnecessary.

Thus, to me studying is stressful but books will not harm you, will not let you harm them, to put it insanely, I rather have relationship with books than people. I know that there are really nice people out there, like the gal I like, but after meeting so many nasty people, I become self-centred. Frankly speaking, I am really pragmatic, I only need friends when I am working and not in my private life. I can do a lot of things alone, watch TV programmes, listening to music, go for bus rides, play computer games, sleeping, reflecting, reading, going to the library, have good food, blog, swimming. There are so many things to do.

Often, people find that life is boring, actually, there are so many things to do, so many nice entities to sense, music, graphics, food, family warmth, to me, each day is always different as you have different thoughts. I know that it is fun to go out with people, play sports and look at babes. To me, I feel that if each week , I go out, I will spend a lot and more importantly, I will
be really tired. I need private time to rest and reflect. That is why people find me quiet and weird. I did not put on an act, I just feel that being alone is not a bad thing, being lonely is. They will find me boring as my life is based on time rather than just live my life with my own discretion. I find that this type of life is more safe, and so far, I did not even beat someone before or being beaten by someone. I can reflect on my flaws and improve on my strengths.

Whenever I read the blogs of others, they are more about their friends, bf,gf, and their family. It is fun to read, I like to see the happy side of people though I cannot interact well with people and simply hate some nasty people to the core. I like to uncover the truth before human behaviour, research on the brain thinking. As if people will read my blog, I blog to let myself know that I have this type of thoughts at this point of time. I like to refer to that time and compared it to the present and see if I have changed a lot or a little. It is boring and unnecessary, but I prefer it this way. Alright, I end here now.