Some updates

On monday, I officially got enrolled as a student of SIM and on the first day, lectures are already starting on that day. It brings back the memories of the good old JC days. Though I am not able to enter into local University, I am contented to be able to study a course that have preference over engineering courses. It is not going to be easy and I do not have much confidence in myself, just want to attend lectures, do the tutorials, just like what I have been doing in JC. I know that passsing is not a problem but I am not really able to interpret the questions correctly so I have the knowledge but do not answer the question.

You might say why not do a good job in undestanding the question but I do not have much confidence in myself to be able to do that. I hope I can be studious just like I used to be though it has been almost 3 years I am a student. Actually, I expect myself to be even more hardworking, as in the past, I could not do well even in a simple combi, not to mention I have to tackle a harder course and the subjects are so heavy. Thus I really put my mind to study and nothing else. However, sadly, I know in the end, it will be the same, I might just pass, and continue to hurt the people I like and I will be more vexed. Why am I like that?

Ideally, I must do well, study harder, be more analytical, and not be emotionally involved with anyone. Sadly, the more ideal I want my life to be , the more worse it gets. Anyway, no matter what, I will be the same old me as I have been for the 12 years of studies I undergo, the studious and nerdy guy I used to be. I will attend the lectures, do the tutorials as the lectures cost $100 per session , plus the additional $200 per month of expenses, adding up, the course costs $35000. On average,it is $5000 for half a year, $800 over dollars a month. It is double the pay when I was a clerk in the army. So be it for myself or for my father who put in so much money, I must work hard.

Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to do well because of my intellect, I do not wish for anyting else, just that I can graduate and not let my father and myself down. I know I am getting paranoid, over anxious again, but I cannot help it. It is rather pressurizing even now as it involves a lot of money plus the previous failures I encountered, I will endure and strive on. I do not want to hope for anything, just that I will do my part by being a committed student be it whether I will do well or not.


The first week is really packed, with the leturers covering so much content in a week that I do not have time to slack. It is good at least I do not have much time to be engrossed in my absurd and irrational thoughts. Met some new friends , they are amiable and do not mind being friends with me. It is just that I sometimes do not agree to their views and I could not click with them as they lead a different kind of private life from me. Still, I thank them for being so nice to me , I am sorry if I am too weird but that is me. I will not compromise my studies anymore for useless things now. I am looking forward to a busy but enjoyable life for the next 3.5 years. Alright, I end here now.