Finally it is over

Next week will be my last week in camp, it is going to be rather rush . After 2 years plus in SGC, I can't deny I do have feelings for that place, for the people I met. I did not expect to have at least a dozen of close friends, in the pats, I do not have more than three good friends. I met over 250 people in a short span of 2 years 3 months, people might think I am too free that I can count the number of people I worked with but I am just like that if not I won't feel at ease.
There are certain habits that I failed to cahnge, one of them is digging of my ears, but there are significant changes, I am more able to talk to people now. Still, I am rather shy with unfamiliar people, it is natural.

I am more lucky in the sense that the experience changed me to a more confident and amiable person. Seeing most people complain about how tough their army life is in the blogs, I can just say that I am luckier. 3.5 working days and I am going to embark on a new journey. I have done all I could to make the best out of the 2 years 4 months, I even took a re-exam for my A levels during this period. Though it is a failed attmept , it taught me that once you have put in your best , there should be no regrets. I can say that I did put in a lot of effort for the exams, afterall, it is tough juggling work and studies at the same time. I failed to do a good job, what to do?

My relationship with girls is still the same, though the girl I like already has a bf, I am the least hurt as I know it is a one sided thing. Anyway, I believe such things cannot be forced, if not I will end up hurting myself and the other party. I have also done all I want for the 2 years 4 months. My personality have changed but I believe at times, I still prefer to be alone. When you are alone, you can really face yourself, reflect on your actions. Sometimes, we are too harsh with oursleves, to other people, it is the time for us to think through certain issues. I am too ambitious sometime, too perfectionistic, too self centred at times, it is through these sessions that I try to remedy the flaws.

I do not know why my entries are always filled with thoughts unlike other people who can write about their happy outings or encounter with nasty people. Perhaps I am just like that, always full of thoughts and fail to realise that in fact I am really lucky. Yesterday, just heard a story on the radio. It is about an angel meeting young poet who is good looking, talented, young and have a beautiful wife lamenting that he does not have happiness. Then the angel ask the poet why he is unhappy though he already have such good life. The poet replied that he needs happiness. The angel took away the things the poet own , his looks, fortune, talents and his youth. After one month, he returned to see the poet in a poor state. He gave the poet everything he owned before, and now the poet thanked the angel and was very happy. Sometimes, we only looked at the good things others are in possession of, failing to realise that we are ourselves much luckier. Of course, I do not want myself to lose all that I have now, but sometimes I just want more.

Human beings are so strange, most of us do not realise that we should be contented with what we possess. It is only that when we lose the things that we lament at how great our lifes used to be in the past. I envy those people who can be contented with their lifes, at least they will not have much regrets and desires. Though my life is quite good now, I still blame myself for not achieving more and I still want more good things. That is why even if right now I get all I want and live a flawless and "conflictless" life, I will still find things to be unhappy about. Well, that is me, I accept myself to have this type of thinking.

According to the Chinese saying, "zhi zu chang le", we should be contented with our lives and we will always be happy. However, only a handful of the people I know can do that, regradless of race, financial background, country and religion, we are born to be competitive. The famous theory of the survival of the fittest already proved this. Those who can be contented with their lives are the most blessed and fortunate.

I might be wrong but after writing this, I am much at ease. Alright, I end here now.