Emptiness

Suddenly, I feel so empty inside. Be it leisure or camp stuff, it does not matter whether I fininsh the tasks or stuffs anymore. In the past, I used to be more motivated and I would engage in leisure activities to relax myself but now for the past 2 months, I feel so lethargic. I guess it is becasue school is starting soon, I am more interested in my studies than anything else. I did not complete guild wars, FF8 , FF10,tontie and sonic the hedgehog, anfd the books I read are sort of redundant. I do not even remeber 50% of the content. Moreover, I do not have much motivation to keep fit, to have a clean face. I realized that I have been really unhappy in the past, I even want to ensure I complete a game before going to the next one. I guess I was too rigid and perfectionist in the past. Though it is a bit uncomfortable, I will continue to be happy and not be bothered by these uncomplete tasks. I discovered that in life, one cannot be too obstinate and idealistic. Sometimes, things are beyond our control.

Ideally, the past 2 years should be spent in a combat unit, and I will study in local University afer I ORD which is supposedly next Friday.I should have gain more weight and be more maculine. However, I am now a clerk in SGC and still serving the nation. I failed to enter local U and instead have to fork out half of my University school fees. Though it is really the opposite from the ideal situation, I am still living well. I always think I would be so lucky as to live my life as what I plan but these setbacks taught me to think of alternatives and be more brave. I finally realized that my life cannot be so ideal anymore. The uncomplete tasks are small matters compared to the army posting and the academic setback.

Sometimes, I do feel uncomfortable for the "impefections" in my life, but I tell myself o live happily and gradually, there will be new challenges that I will have no time to feel unhappy over the past imperfections.For the uncomplete tasks, so be it, for the academic setback, well it served as a warning to me not to be complacent in future. For the NS posting, well, I am going to ORD so why bother. I just worry that now that I have free time, yet I do not want to do the things I want, what will happen when school starts, I might be lazy again. This time round, it involves a lot of money and it is no joking matter. Anyway, I am preparing myself for the course in the coming weeks. The past 2 months have been rather slack in camp as I find no meaning in doing so much for the army when I am leaving the camp soon. Now I am ensuirng that I do not leave behind outstanding tasks for my understudy adn colleagues. I lose my drive and it is normal as the job itself is not based on much of a motivation to start with. Alright, I end here now.