Count down to ORD

In around 108 days, I am going to ORD liao! It is 15 weeks and 3 days, how fast it is but I have serve longer than most people. Today is election day but it does not concern me, and I know the outcome will always be the same. At least the election did add some spice to the " mundane and boring " life that Singaporeans lead. However, seriously speaking, i do not think the life being a Singaporean is boring. Instead, we are exposed to more ideas than our fellow Asian or even South East Asian counterparts. it is just that we are far more indifferent and more conscientious. Well, at least we have a stable government despite some minor complaints about day to day issues. Thus, I can feel safe in Sinagpore and worry about personal things rather than national issues. Alright, I end here now.

Long weekend

This coming Monday is Labour Day and I get to enjoy an additional day at home. Till now, I really do not have much troubles and in 3 months time I am going to ORD. I suddenly find that time passes really slow in camp yet really fast at home. After Labour day, it is Vesak day on the following friday, another long weekend. Then it is 2 months plus before I clear my leave. I am really sick sometimes having to do so many things for the office yet what will I get in return. Sometimes, I feel I am really stupid but it is sort of a commitment towards my work. I also don't know jow to say it, perhaps I am just too timid at times and too indecisive. Alright, I end here.

2 Years in the Army

It has been exactly 2 years since I am in the army. If I serve only 2 years like what most of the other guys do, then I would have ORD. Quite sian but at least I am not a combatantso it doesn't matter that much. 4 more months and I can ORD, it seem like a long time but it is going to pass by really fast. All the things I would like to do I did it, it is just that my re-exam is not successful. All is not lost yet, at least I did enter University like I wish so it is not that bad. The past 2 years have been tumultuous and yet peaceful. I learn a lot of things and I thank those who helped me in one way and another. I said it as if I had ORD but I am still in service. Well, I am just scared that 4 months later, I would have change a lot and the intended thoughts have changed. Alright, I end here now.

Another week gone

This week has been realtively short, plus with most of my worries gone, it is quite relaxing. Yesterday, I just performed duty clerk, at first people might think I am unlucky but I felt lucky instead. I can clear my off on another day and settle my things. This week, two of my friends have ORD, how fast, it is going to be my turn soon. Though my NS life is not what I expect all this while, I have tried everything I want and most importantly, I benefited greatly from it. I know I am unlucky in a sense that I serve 4 months more than most people but threr are others who are worse off. Of course, if given a choice, I would like to have a combatant NS life as it is what I should do. However, I discovered that I am not really mentally fit before I enlist so I did not harm myself. Alright, I end here now.

My decision

Just came back from SIM with my mother, it has been a long time since I am so close to my mother. This week has been fun but I spent a lot of money, hagen dazs ice cream, KFC meal, Mos Burger meal and today the mee soto and nasi lemak plus the arcade card. Nevertheless, I do not regret it, at least like my mother say, I have friends, it is better than being left alone.
However, I will never go clubbing because it is really ex and my parents will not agree to it.

I really set my mind to accept the offer, though I am not really satisfied. I do not have any choice left, it is quite sad, just like when you like someone but the person do not like you. Perhaps I am exaggerating but I do feel that way. No point saying all these, the journey ahead is going to be tough, no longer can I think of myself as very smart. I have to work hard and not be so complacent anymore. Alright, i end here now.

Finally being accepted

On Wednesday, I was informed by my parents that I am being offered a place in SIM. i was overjoyed, finally I can study after I ORD. Though I still have some reservations, I think I should not ponder anymore. At least I can tell people I am going to study Maths and Econs after I ORD. At least I am not lingering around like a souless spirit, I can be more at ease.

4 more months to ORD, with a place in U, I can really concentrate on my leftover tasks in camp and hopefully, ny the time I ORD, I will not leave behind a lot of work for my understudy. For 1 year 9 months, I have been worrying over my future , now though it is not what I planned for, at least I am not left hanging in the air. Alright, I end here now.

Another Week Gone

Time really past by quickly, it is good in a sense that I am going to ORD soon but somehow I am really scared that even after I ORD I will be jobless, no place in NTU, NUS , and even SIM. After 15 weeks of anxiety, I am greeted with disappointment. Now I have to wait for an additional 8 weeks for the reply. This time round, the feeling is less anxious, a bit sian and the time period is shorter. I have enough of disappointing moments these 3 years, from rejection by the local "U"s to anothre rejection to the bad results, I am really so tired but I have mautred a lot and grown up a lot.

Well, now it is wiser not to think so much, plus there are a lot of work to be done so it is manageable. 21 weeks 3 days to my ORD, just 5 more months and I can stay at home everyday, I should be happy. In 1 month's time, I will be a 2 year soldier and I will get a pay rise plus the additional $100 plus the upcoming holidays so it is not that bad. Alright, I end here now.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

Yesterday, just went ot SIM open house, nothing very unusual. Aiyah, come to this point , do I have the right to choose, if I can enter SIM, I will be very happy. This week have been quite busy, the next 2 weeks will be worst, IPPT , lots of stuff to do plus weekend duty. Now have to worry about entry into University. The more I write the more vexed I am so the next 2 weeks are going to be busy, I end here now.

Life still goes on

Last Wednesday, 010306, I finally get to know my 'A' levels results. Aiyah, very sad, not only did I not maintain my previous standard, I deproved. What to do, it is really not easy to study and work at the same time, I had tried my best, it is the papers that are difficult. In the past, I can blame myself but now I just pity myself, after putting in so much effort, after getting so much support, I actually perform badly.

Being rejected by the three U twice, getting not so good results in the A levels, I guessed I am no longer so lucky. Life still goes on, and it is not the end. I am just sad that this time round, I want bettter results, in the end it has to be like that. What is there to cry? Crying will make one feel better but it is a cowardly behaviour. I thought I will be really depressed, but there is so much work in camp that I am too tired to think about this.

Sentry followed by conducting IPPT for Nsmen really tired me out, I do not even have time to go for the open house yesterday. Sometimes, I reallt wonder why I am so hardworking in camp that I neglect my future, just when I need time to think , I do not even get it. It is quite sad, but life still goes on. In 23 weeks 2 days, I am going to ORD but by then will I have a place in the three U, SIM, ACCA or will I have to go out to work? It is the first time I am feeling so lost. Nevertheless, as long as I have the courage to live on, nothing will be impossible. I end here now.

Finally it is coming

Heard from my family members that the A levels results will be released on Wednesday 010306. I am not as anxious as I expect myself to be perhaps due to the events in camp. Still, I am much more nervous than the time when I first get the results. I have worked hard for it and I definitely want to do well for it. However, I somehow expect myself not to do very well, perhaps a bit better than the previous time. I try not to predict what grades I will get but still in my mind I just have a guage. I am on tenterhooks and the feeling is really uncomfortable.The difference this time round is I worked hard for it and even if I did badly, even worse than the previous attempt, I know what it is like to put to effort for something. I have not put in so much effort in my life before, and I sort of think that 70 per cent of those who worked hard for something get the results they want, the remaining 30 per cent will not get it.

I don't know what to do sometimes, be it good or bad or just plain, I tell myself to be more brave than the previous time and try to plan for my future. Of course, I can say all these now, who knows how I will react when I know the results. it is a really strange feeling, partly nervous, partly despondent and partly indifferent. Hope that I can be brave enough to face up to the consequences. Alright, I end here now.

Half a Year more to ORD

Yup! Still have a half a year more to go before I ORD. Half a year(184 days to be exact) is neither long nor short, a lot can happen in this remaining half a year. No matter what, I just hope that I can ORD in one piece and my family members are safe. In 2 weeks time, I guess last year A levels results will be released and I am feeling quite nervous about it, far more compared to 2 years ago. I have put in really a lot of effort in it and I hope to do well.

Tuesday was Valentime's day and as usual I was alone. In the past, never thought that the day could be significant but after knowing the person I like already have a state, i suddenly feel so useless. I tell myself not to have a gf till the age of 25 but it seems like when you see everyone else have a partner, you would feel so weird. Anyway, I know no matter what I won't be serious in a relationship till I get every of my wish fulfilled so why cause pain to others and myself when I am not willing to commit in a relaionship. I end here now.

An eventful week

This week in camp it is really busy. Starting from Monday, it is a lot of work till Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I am the duty clerk and on THursday I am forced to wake up early because of a blackout in the ops room, depriving me further of my already precious sleep. On tHursday, we have a CNY celebration and it is quite fun. yesterday, it is normal. Today, just have steamboat with my family members and this afternoon just bought an mp3 player. Also realized that the O levels results had been released yesterday, don't know when the A levels results will be released. Never mind just have to wait, I end here now.

Results stress

in about 3 more weeks, last year's A levels results is going to be released. Though it is the second time I am getting it and I sort of still disbelieve that I actually have to go through this ordeal one more time, I am more nervous than ever. If I fail this time, it is not the end of the world but I will be really sad. Aiyah, very sian and very uncomfortable, on one hand I want to get the results, on the other hand, I don't want to face the music. I really don't know what I want? Anyway, I tell myself to be strong whatever the outcome is.

Chinese New Year Celebration

What a boring CNY! I guessed I am the one to blame for spoiling my CNY. I don't know why I am so vexed. I thought I can put off everything and enjoy my new year but I can't. In 5 weeks time Iam going to get my A-levels results, I am nervous and scared at the same time. What if I do badly, What if I cannot take it What if I sink into depression again.
There are far too many "what if"s I don't want to think about it anymore, I just want to enter U that is all, is it too much to ask for? Is it? I end here now.

jing di zhi wa( Myopic guy)

Yesterday, just went to Marina Bay to have a steamboatcum barbecue cum buffet dinner. There are altogether ten of us ( Chin, Zhuo, Adrian, Kenny,Royce, myself, Larry, Junhong, Joseph and Ivan). On the journey there, I thought about my new year resolution. I dun know, I know I have brighten up a lot but somehow thre seem to be something missing. I know I will always be this myopic and low self esteem guy. I will always be this jing di zhi wa, kinda sad but I am really happy to have everything I yearn for. Does looks really play a vital part in a person's life? Or am I too concerned with looks? nevermind, I just want to be a normal guy, that's all.

Heck Care Attitude

All of the sudden, nothing excites me nor upsets me, I become so indifferent in such a short period of time. Yestserday, just performed duty clerk, luckily, it was peaceful. I am always this lucky when it comes to doing duty. There are indeed unpleasant incidents and people but what is the use of brooding over them. Just 32 weeks, I am going to ORD, the feeling is strange. Now the most important thing is my results which I will be getting on the first week of March. If everything turns up well, then, there isn't anything for me to feel vexed over anymore.
For the past 1 year 8months, it has been a tumultous period, with extremely happy incidents and extremely irritating incidents. There are inevitably some people whom I provoke and even hurt during this period. I am sorry for being insensible and childish and over paranoid.Nothing more to add, just that I can ORD in one piece with my family anf friends safe and sound.

8 Months to ORD

In exactly 8 months time, I am going to ORD. By then i don't know whether I will be studying in University. Hopefully, I can study in NTU and be a student again. 2005 have been a fruitful year for me, a lot of wonderful things happen and I even retook my 'A' levels exam in November. A new type of job environment and a chance to go overseas all seem like a dream to me. this year have also been quite peaceful globally, it is also the full 1 year in NS for me. i have aslo thought a lot about myself.

A big thank you to those who make this year a wonderful year for me.

65 weeks to ORD

In about 450 days, it is my ORD and I have been in the Army 402 days. How time flies, 450 days more and I am free from NS liability for the time being. By then, no more Sundays book in and I can sleep at home everyday. It is really true that if you don't think so much, time passes by quickly. 5 months has passed since the start of the year, and many of my friends had ORD, Soon, it will be my turn and 2 years would have passed just like that. It is a special kind of experience that most guys in Singapore have to undergo, it is sort of mandatory too.

1 Year in the Army

It has been 1 year 1 month and 5 days in the Army, I become more open and make a lot of friends during this span of time. i am really satisfied with my life currently, too bad I still haven't received any news ffrom either of the three local Universities. At first, I thought that i am going to have a miserable 2 years 4 months in the Army, but this past 1 yera proved otherwise.
Now I am just waiting for acception into the 'U'. if i failed, I have to think of other alternatives.

Back from Thailand

After being in Thailand for 16 days, I am finally back in Singapore. It is quite an experience hough the weather is really hot. I will always remember the happy times spent there. I bought a lot of stuffs for my family and relatives. this trip is really a good experience.