35 days to go

In 35 days time, I am embarking on a new journey in my life. It has been 2 years 8 months since I studied. Life as a student will be even more challenging, and I have to move on with life. I hope I can go and leave peacefully, without any painful memories. A lot of admin stuff to do, ORD
clearance, AFR, leave forecast, leftover tasks. I do not yearn for much now, just quietly do everything that is needed.

I know I still have a long way to go before I can get everything I want, a career, stable income, leisure time and skills. In life, we yearn to be somebody but in the end are we really the "somebody" we yearn for in the first place? I do not wish to be ideal, perfect or outstanding, I just want to be myself. Sometimes, it is hard to be just yourself as it is not up to one to decide who he wants to be in this competitive society. Sometimes, society just cannot accept part of you and you have to change to being someone you do not even know.

How many people can actually be able to be himself and not just "somebody" in today's society?
Even that "somebody" we yearn for do want to be normal just like us. So after so much effort to be that somebody, we end up being neither that somebody or our true self. In order to survive, we have to wear many layers of masks that we feel so meaningless and lose interest in the things we do. The important thing is not to lose your own identity. Being a normal and true person is my aim. I have been trying to be one the past 2 years. Alright, I end here now.

2 YEARS IN SGC

It has been really fast, I have been in SGC for 2 years liao! 2 years ago, I am still a blur cock, now it is so different, a lot of things have changed, even the friendship I have with the girl I have a good impression of. Now she has alraedy have a bf, no point writing to her anymore lest there are ununecessary misunderstandings. Anyway, these 2 years have been a turning point in my life. From someone who is cocky and timid to a person more confident and humble. From someone who used to despise poly students to being great friends with them and being viewed as a poly student. I discovered that when it comes to friends, anyone can be my friend, it is just that I used to be cool and aloof. Poly students are more open and straightforward, it is really relaxing to be their friends.

In the span of 2 years, I learnt to be more brave and yet assertive. A lot of changes occurred, the transformation of a training centre to a training institute, the unsuccessful re-examination, the change of job scope. Although everything will be resetted after I ORD, it is an experience afterall. I also went to Thailand for once and experienced life overseas for 2 weeks.

I used to be perfectionistic and idealistic but the current me is more realistic and optimistic.
Though there are really miserable times, there are times of extreme happiness and joy. It is a learning period and a period of discovery as I am put to life challenges. I used to be someone indifferent and perhaps slightly autistic. Actually, sometimes, it is not others that boycott me rather it is my cool and aloof nature that shuns them away from me.

I believe these 2 years enable me to better survuve in the Universuty and the society. I still have a lot to learn from others. Alright, I edn here now.

Emptiness

Suddenly, I feel so empty inside. Be it leisure or camp stuff, it does not matter whether I fininsh the tasks or stuffs anymore. In the past, I used to be more motivated and I would engage in leisure activities to relax myself but now for the past 2 months, I feel so lethargic. I guess it is becasue school is starting soon, I am more interested in my studies than anything else. I did not complete guild wars, FF8 , FF10,tontie and sonic the hedgehog, anfd the books I read are sort of redundant. I do not even remeber 50% of the content. Moreover, I do not have much motivation to keep fit, to have a clean face. I realized that I have been really unhappy in the past, I even want to ensure I complete a game before going to the next one. I guess I was too rigid and perfectionist in the past. Though it is a bit uncomfortable, I will continue to be happy and not be bothered by these uncomplete tasks. I discovered that in life, one cannot be too obstinate and idealistic. Sometimes, things are beyond our control.

Ideally, the past 2 years should be spent in a combat unit, and I will study in local University afer I ORD which is supposedly next Friday.I should have gain more weight and be more maculine. However, I am now a clerk in SGC and still serving the nation. I failed to enter local U and instead have to fork out half of my University school fees. Though it is really the opposite from the ideal situation, I am still living well. I always think I would be so lucky as to live my life as what I plan but these setbacks taught me to think of alternatives and be more brave. I finally realized that my life cannot be so ideal anymore. The uncomplete tasks are small matters compared to the army posting and the academic setback.

Sometimes, I do feel uncomfortable for the "impefections" in my life, but I tell myself o live happily and gradually, there will be new challenges that I will have no time to feel unhappy over the past imperfections.For the uncomplete tasks, so be it, for the academic setback, well it served as a warning to me not to be complacent in future. For the NS posting, well, I am going to ORD so why bother. I just worry that now that I have free time, yet I do not want to do the things I want, what will happen when school starts, I might be lazy again. This time round, it involves a lot of money and it is no joking matter. Anyway, I am preparing myself for the course in the coming weeks. The past 2 months have been rather slack in camp as I find no meaning in doing so much for the army when I am leaving the camp soon. Now I am ensuirng that I do not leave behind outstanding tasks for my understudy adn colleagues. I lose my drive and it is normal as the job itself is not based on much of a motivation to start with. Alright, I end here now.

A Normal Week

8 more weeks and I will be embarking on a new phase in my life. This week have been normal, nothing much, just plain normal. Yesterday, just performed duty clerk, I guess that is my duty clerk falling on weekend, my last weekend duty. On friday, my family and I went to Macperson food centre to have dinner to celebrate my mother's birthday. It was quite memorable not only because it is the first tome we dine at 8:30p.m in a food centre but aslo because of the dshes. The fish, kangkong and even the sotong (squid) are all spicy, making us really ' hot' inside. It is a bit too hard to accept but nevertheless they are quite tasty, I will remeber this outing because it is my first time tasting such a combo of spicy dishes. Life is peaceful for me luckily all this while. I think a normal week for me is this week , family outing, nights off and duty. Alright, I end here now.