On friday, I am officially free from the meaningless things that have been bothering me all these while, It is a relief as I did all I could and all that I want. I did not owe anyone anything and no one owes me anything. Although people might say that being a clerk is really relaxed, the stress that we sometimes go through and the anger that we cannot express sometimes make me wonder why am I here to be scolded by someone who received lesser education than I. There are times when I wanted to shout back but I do not want to be accused of insubordination so I held back. It is true that we only need to experience mental stress unlike the combatants having to endure both physical and mental stress, being treated worse than dogs by some psychotic superiors.
Of course, in the SAF, there are few cases of abuse and exploitation, so our NSFs are treated humanely most of the times. I do not blame the SAF for having such psychotic superiors, the culprits are taking the government money and making lifes of the NSFs very difficult. In any organisation, there will be black sheeps, so it is okay. I am not so stupid as to be verbally abused by these psychotic superiors repeatedly, if they overdo it, I will complain to the higher commanders and make sure that they will learn the lesson of not being too cocky and think of themselves as indispensable. Not to mean any offence, those who scolded vulgarities are those who are not cultured and most of them do not have much tasks. For those who are very busy, they are more capable and too busy to bother about their subordinates. It is important not to be the same as them , as it puts me the same level as them. I do not blame them for being lowly educated, at least I am luckier so why should I degrade myself?
Anyway, be it happy or sad, I am out of the place now, why brood over some idiotic people who once made my life miserable. I admit I am much luckier as I need not endure physical stress and made to do things that are far beyond me. However, it is sometimes hard to accept that you wasted 2 years plus to be abused by people. In the past, I used to be very quiet and the teachers do not even scold me not mention scolding vulgarities. There are also very nice regulars and it is a pleasure to work for them. In these 2 years, I learn not to be bullied by people so easily, and not be bothered by those idiots. I also learn to work with people. I gain a lot of life skills and learn to be humble.
Right now, I believe the idiots cannot make me do anything as I am a civillian and I am able to concentrate on my studies. Fortunately, the amount of fond memories outweighs the amount of upleasant encounters, especially with those idiots. I am ready to lead a new life now. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Finally it is over
Next week will be my last week in camp, it is going to be rather rush . After 2 years plus in SGC, I can't deny I do have feelings for that place, for the people I met. I did not expect to have at least a dozen of close friends, in the pats, I do not have more than three good friends. I met over 250 people in a short span of 2 years 3 months, people might think I am too free that I can count the number of people I worked with but I am just like that if not I won't feel at ease.
There are certain habits that I failed to cahnge, one of them is digging of my ears, but there are significant changes, I am more able to talk to people now. Still, I am rather shy with unfamiliar people, it is natural.
I am more lucky in the sense that the experience changed me to a more confident and amiable person. Seeing most people complain about how tough their army life is in the blogs, I can just say that I am luckier. 3.5 working days and I am going to embark on a new journey. I have done all I could to make the best out of the 2 years 4 months, I even took a re-exam for my A levels during this period. Though it is a failed attmept , it taught me that once you have put in your best , there should be no regrets. I can say that I did put in a lot of effort for the exams, afterall, it is tough juggling work and studies at the same time. I failed to do a good job, what to do?
My relationship with girls is still the same, though the girl I like already has a bf, I am the least hurt as I know it is a one sided thing. Anyway, I believe such things cannot be forced, if not I will end up hurting myself and the other party. I have also done all I want for the 2 years 4 months. My personality have changed but I believe at times, I still prefer to be alone. When you are alone, you can really face yourself, reflect on your actions. Sometimes, we are too harsh with oursleves, to other people, it is the time for us to think through certain issues. I am too ambitious sometime, too perfectionistic, too self centred at times, it is through these sessions that I try to remedy the flaws.
I do not know why my entries are always filled with thoughts unlike other people who can write about their happy outings or encounter with nasty people. Perhaps I am just like that, always full of thoughts and fail to realise that in fact I am really lucky. Yesterday, just heard a story on the radio. It is about an angel meeting young poet who is good looking, talented, young and have a beautiful wife lamenting that he does not have happiness. Then the angel ask the poet why he is unhappy though he already have such good life. The poet replied that he needs happiness. The angel took away the things the poet own , his looks, fortune, talents and his youth. After one month, he returned to see the poet in a poor state. He gave the poet everything he owned before, and now the poet thanked the angel and was very happy. Sometimes, we only looked at the good things others are in possession of, failing to realise that we are ourselves much luckier. Of course, I do not want myself to lose all that I have now, but sometimes I just want more.
Human beings are so strange, most of us do not realise that we should be contented with what we possess. It is only that when we lose the things that we lament at how great our lifes used to be in the past. I envy those people who can be contented with their lifes, at least they will not have much regrets and desires. Though my life is quite good now, I still blame myself for not achieving more and I still want more good things. That is why even if right now I get all I want and live a flawless and "conflictless" life, I will still find things to be unhappy about. Well, that is me, I accept myself to have this type of thinking.
According to the Chinese saying, "zhi zu chang le", we should be contented with our lives and we will always be happy. However, only a handful of the people I know can do that, regradless of race, financial background, country and religion, we are born to be competitive. The famous theory of the survival of the fittest already proved this. Those who can be contented with their lives are the most blessed and fortunate.
I might be wrong but after writing this, I am much at ease. Alright, I end here now.
There are certain habits that I failed to cahnge, one of them is digging of my ears, but there are significant changes, I am more able to talk to people now. Still, I am rather shy with unfamiliar people, it is natural.
I am more lucky in the sense that the experience changed me to a more confident and amiable person. Seeing most people complain about how tough their army life is in the blogs, I can just say that I am luckier. 3.5 working days and I am going to embark on a new journey. I have done all I could to make the best out of the 2 years 4 months, I even took a re-exam for my A levels during this period. Though it is a failed attmept , it taught me that once you have put in your best , there should be no regrets. I can say that I did put in a lot of effort for the exams, afterall, it is tough juggling work and studies at the same time. I failed to do a good job, what to do?
My relationship with girls is still the same, though the girl I like already has a bf, I am the least hurt as I know it is a one sided thing. Anyway, I believe such things cannot be forced, if not I will end up hurting myself and the other party. I have also done all I want for the 2 years 4 months. My personality have changed but I believe at times, I still prefer to be alone. When you are alone, you can really face yourself, reflect on your actions. Sometimes, we are too harsh with oursleves, to other people, it is the time for us to think through certain issues. I am too ambitious sometime, too perfectionistic, too self centred at times, it is through these sessions that I try to remedy the flaws.
I do not know why my entries are always filled with thoughts unlike other people who can write about their happy outings or encounter with nasty people. Perhaps I am just like that, always full of thoughts and fail to realise that in fact I am really lucky. Yesterday, just heard a story on the radio. It is about an angel meeting young poet who is good looking, talented, young and have a beautiful wife lamenting that he does not have happiness. Then the angel ask the poet why he is unhappy though he already have such good life. The poet replied that he needs happiness. The angel took away the things the poet own , his looks, fortune, talents and his youth. After one month, he returned to see the poet in a poor state. He gave the poet everything he owned before, and now the poet thanked the angel and was very happy. Sometimes, we only looked at the good things others are in possession of, failing to realise that we are ourselves much luckier. Of course, I do not want myself to lose all that I have now, but sometimes I just want more.
Human beings are so strange, most of us do not realise that we should be contented with what we possess. It is only that when we lose the things that we lament at how great our lifes used to be in the past. I envy those people who can be contented with their lifes, at least they will not have much regrets and desires. Though my life is quite good now, I still blame myself for not achieving more and I still want more good things. That is why even if right now I get all I want and live a flawless and "conflictless" life, I will still find things to be unhappy about. Well, that is me, I accept myself to have this type of thinking.
According to the Chinese saying, "zhi zu chang le", we should be contented with our lives and we will always be happy. However, only a handful of the people I know can do that, regradless of race, financial background, country and religion, we are born to be competitive. The famous theory of the survival of the fittest already proved this. Those who can be contented with their lives are the most blessed and fortunate.
I might be wrong but after writing this, I am much at ease. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, July 14, 2006
10 more days to go
Yipee! It has finally come to this stage of my life when I am ending my 2 years 4 months journey in NS soon. A lot of thoughts kept lingering in my mind and it is a strange feeling. Perhaps I am much lukier, I did not suffer much during my NS life. That is why I can afford to have fond memories of the times spent with close friends and not just bad and unpleasant memories.
Suddenly, I remember the time when I first set off to Tekong with my parents, it seem to be a long time. Still, in my mind, I will never forget having a caring Platoon Sergeant and a good section commander. Thus the time spent in Tekong is the most memorable though perhaps not the happiest. At that time, we got to try many new stuffs and almost everyone work together to overcome the new challenges. All of a sudden, I like to write the thoughts of being a clerk.
Being a clerk is more safe but less exciting, anyway, I am gald I can be a capable clerk and not a cockster. At times, I will think about what do I really want to get from this 2 years plus. However, now I can say that the time spent is not wasted as I changed for the better and have a more mature thinking. A lot of people complain about what a waste of time and resticion of freedom NS is. Some who are downgraded think that being a clerk is really a total watse of time. It is true to a certain extent, being a clerk can be challenging too as there are a lot of different clerks: Manpower, Log , Training, Signal, Combat and of these, it is subdivided into document clerk, trainer clerk, training clerk, finance clerk, training support clerk, IPPT clerk, Publication clerk, IPPT clerk, mob clerk, brigade clerk, Log clerk, combat clerk, PAs and store clerk etc......
I am a trainer cum training support clerk cum IPPT clerk, so it can get quite busy at times. Being a clerk does not mean you sit in the office the whole day though some really do that. For me, my job does not require me to be in the office the whole day, I can roam about to settle things but it is quite tiring at times. I admit that clerks are less physically inclined but we do play an indirect part in NS by providing services to active NSFs and NSmen. We do have a better life generally, and most of us are slackers, but that does not render us as good for nothings like what my previous training warrant thought. In fact, it is up to the individual whether he bother to learn more each day as there are new challenges daily. We do have our hard times when we deal with unreasonable and rude superiors.
By the way, I am quite surprised that I can change for the better and make the 2 years a pleasant and fruitful experience. Soon, I am embarking on another journey full of unprecedented happenings and challenges.I believe I will learn even more things on this journey. Alright, I end here now.
Suddenly, I remember the time when I first set off to Tekong with my parents, it seem to be a long time. Still, in my mind, I will never forget having a caring Platoon Sergeant and a good section commander. Thus the time spent in Tekong is the most memorable though perhaps not the happiest. At that time, we got to try many new stuffs and almost everyone work together to overcome the new challenges. All of a sudden, I like to write the thoughts of being a clerk.
Being a clerk is more safe but less exciting, anyway, I am gald I can be a capable clerk and not a cockster. At times, I will think about what do I really want to get from this 2 years plus. However, now I can say that the time spent is not wasted as I changed for the better and have a more mature thinking. A lot of people complain about what a waste of time and resticion of freedom NS is. Some who are downgraded think that being a clerk is really a total watse of time. It is true to a certain extent, being a clerk can be challenging too as there are a lot of different clerks: Manpower, Log , Training, Signal, Combat and of these, it is subdivided into document clerk, trainer clerk, training clerk, finance clerk, training support clerk, IPPT clerk, Publication clerk, IPPT clerk, mob clerk, brigade clerk, Log clerk, combat clerk, PAs and store clerk etc......
I am a trainer cum training support clerk cum IPPT clerk, so it can get quite busy at times. Being a clerk does not mean you sit in the office the whole day though some really do that. For me, my job does not require me to be in the office the whole day, I can roam about to settle things but it is quite tiring at times. I admit that clerks are less physically inclined but we do play an indirect part in NS by providing services to active NSFs and NSmen. We do have a better life generally, and most of us are slackers, but that does not render us as good for nothings like what my previous training warrant thought. In fact, it is up to the individual whether he bother to learn more each day as there are new challenges daily. We do have our hard times when we deal with unreasonable and rude superiors.
By the way, I am quite surprised that I can change for the better and make the 2 years a pleasant and fruitful experience. Soon, I am embarking on another journey full of unprecedented happenings and challenges.I believe I will learn even more things on this journey. Alright, I end here now.
Friday, July 07, 2006
The remaining days
Yipee! 15 working days and I am gone. A lot of thoughts though I am leaving soon. I have mature a lot through these 2 years plus. Still, my relationship with girls is still the same, at the friend level. The person I like already have a bf, so for the time being, I will not think about such things. Just went for my dental FFI this Wednesday, saw the officers from my unit, in their civillian clothing, they are just like ordinary guys like me. It is so strange that in camp , they are so differnent from us. Anyway, I do not know of any friends who are NSF officers in the SAF, so I guess in future, I would not have anything to do with them too. Plus, they are mostly in local Universities, so that made it even more rare to make friends with them.
For the past 2 years, I still remain a non-smoker, that is a really heartening thing, unlike what one of the enciks who said that learning to smoke will turn me into an adult. That is bullshit,I never once believe in it and I am glad that even without smoking, I am an adult now. I am not boycotting those who smoke but it is my choice to be a non-smoker, please respect my choice and don't come up with absurd reason to lurk me into smoking. I know that despite writing so much, my blog is not viewed by anyone, but now it serve as an avenue to pen my thoughts.
Being able to type is better than wriring as the handwriting is nicer and the speed is faster.
Next week, we are moving bunk again, so sian, it is the second time I am moving bunk during my time in SGC. Why should we move? I guess we do not have much choice, just do what you are told. One of the regular officers told me that in the army, just do what you are told, dun try to be a smart alex and do things you should not do. I have always do that, that is why I survived the 2 years, nowadays, the clerks need not serve 2 years in a unit, fairly less than 2 years. What I am trying to say is that just be obedient and dun be a smart alex and you will pass the 2 years safely. My time in my unit is not totally peaceful though, I treat it as a learning experience. My journey in the army is coming to an end soon and I hope I will ORD in peace. Alright, I end here now.
For the past 2 years, I still remain a non-smoker, that is a really heartening thing, unlike what one of the enciks who said that learning to smoke will turn me into an adult. That is bullshit,I never once believe in it and I am glad that even without smoking, I am an adult now. I am not boycotting those who smoke but it is my choice to be a non-smoker, please respect my choice and don't come up with absurd reason to lurk me into smoking. I know that despite writing so much, my blog is not viewed by anyone, but now it serve as an avenue to pen my thoughts.
Being able to type is better than wriring as the handwriting is nicer and the speed is faster.
Next week, we are moving bunk again, so sian, it is the second time I am moving bunk during my time in SGC. Why should we move? I guess we do not have much choice, just do what you are told. One of the regular officers told me that in the army, just do what you are told, dun try to be a smart alex and do things you should not do. I have always do that, that is why I survived the 2 years, nowadays, the clerks need not serve 2 years in a unit, fairly less than 2 years. What I am trying to say is that just be obedient and dun be a smart alex and you will pass the 2 years safely. My time in my unit is not totally peaceful though, I treat it as a learning experience. My journey in the army is coming to an end soon and I hope I will ORD in peace. Alright, I end here now.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
20 more days to go!
In another month's time, I believe I will not be in SGC working anymore as I will be studying in SIM. This week has been quite tormenting as I was sick on Wednesday, the feeling is really hell.
Worse still, I still have to stand in for my colleague for the conduct of IPPT, how sian. Nevertheless, it was fortunate that nothing crops up if not the time taken will be longer.
I have been wondering whether I am too 'capable' that most people look for me to help them. It is nothing bad but one day I will have to leave and it is time to stop being so 'helpful' if not I will be like my colleague BEN Tan working even on his ORD day. Perhaps they are just making use of me, perhaps I am too sensitive. Anyway, I have planned my schedule for the next 4 weeks. It is going to be busy, FFI , clearance, leave forecast, duty, AFR and the outstanding tasks. Perhaps I am over ambitious, there are some tasks that I will never have enough time to accomplish but idealistically, I would like them to be done. In the end, I know in my heart that they will not be settled.
Be it happy or sad, be it painful or relieved, or just plain normal, that day will come. I guess I could still ORD without doing most of their outstanding tasks but I do not want to be irresponsible like my upper upper study who is the upperstudy of my upperstudy. In other words, he is sort of my senior. He dumped everything to my upperstudy and now I am still helping to clear some of his 'shit' aas my upperstudy was unable to do much due to his busy work schedule. However, sometimes, I thought of just dumping everything to others then I will ORD happily. I still want to be responsible as in future my work will require responsibility if now I am already so irresponsible, then in future I might become worse .
Anyway, I plan to do the major and crucial task first then do my clearance, and say bye bye to camp. I cannot afford to be too concerned with camp matters as I need to prepare for my study life. Hopefully, everything will go as planned. Alright, I end here now.
Worse still, I still have to stand in for my colleague for the conduct of IPPT, how sian. Nevertheless, it was fortunate that nothing crops up if not the time taken will be longer.
I have been wondering whether I am too 'capable' that most people look for me to help them. It is nothing bad but one day I will have to leave and it is time to stop being so 'helpful' if not I will be like my colleague BEN Tan working even on his ORD day. Perhaps they are just making use of me, perhaps I am too sensitive. Anyway, I have planned my schedule for the next 4 weeks. It is going to be busy, FFI , clearance, leave forecast, duty, AFR and the outstanding tasks. Perhaps I am over ambitious, there are some tasks that I will never have enough time to accomplish but idealistically, I would like them to be done. In the end, I know in my heart that they will not be settled.
Be it happy or sad, be it painful or relieved, or just plain normal, that day will come. I guess I could still ORD without doing most of their outstanding tasks but I do not want to be irresponsible like my upper upper study who is the upperstudy of my upperstudy. In other words, he is sort of my senior. He dumped everything to my upperstudy and now I am still helping to clear some of his 'shit' aas my upperstudy was unable to do much due to his busy work schedule. However, sometimes, I thought of just dumping everything to others then I will ORD happily. I still want to be responsible as in future my work will require responsibility if now I am already so irresponsible, then in future I might become worse .
Anyway, I plan to do the major and crucial task first then do my clearance, and say bye bye to camp. I cannot afford to be too concerned with camp matters as I need to prepare for my study life. Hopefully, everything will go as planned. Alright, I end here now.
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