"Drop the PInk Elephant"

Drop the Pink Elephant", what is a Pink Elephant? That is my initial reaction when I read the title of the book. After reading the introduction, I know it is about effective communications, and the author had devised a 21 steps "formula" to personal communication heaven. The author, Bill McFarlan, broadcaster and communications expert, had coined the term “Pink Elephant”. Pink Elephants are unnecessary negatives that clutter our conversation.

What are negatives to communication? They can be words like “didn’t” in “ I didn't mean it,” the “no” in “I mean no offence”. I initially thought that there is nothing wrong with such sentences but the book explained that these sentences actually bring the other party to the "real" meaning of their intentions. In the book, there was this example of Paul Burrell, former butler to the late Princess Diana, told BBC that his intention for narrating his story was never about money. He went on to say that the 300,000 pounds deal with the Daily Mirror would pay off his debts. Isn't his real intention of telling his story about paying his debts? Nobody questioned him if he told his story in order to pay his debts but he blurted it out himself by denying his real intention, i.e. paying his debts. That is what I interpreted from the example with the help of the book.

There is another interesting topic in the book, "Sorry seems to be the hardest word". How true is that? If we asked ourselves how many times when we know the fault is on us yet we refused to say sorry. I am not saying that I am someone who says sorry easily, but it is interesting to know that such a simple word yet it is often left unsaid. If we come to realise our mistakes, and the quicker we apologise, then the quicker the growing tension will evaporate. Sometimes, I find it puzzling that just because I refuse to be the one apologising that I end up feeling awkward with my friend. If one of us had apologised, then all would be well.

The book had provided the 3 "R"s solution, (not reuse, recycle and reduce), rather Regret, Reason, Remedy. First you apologise to express Regret for the mistake made, then you provide a Reason to explain why you made that mistake, last but not least, you provide a Remedy to prevent a recurrence of the problem. The 3 "R"s could be applied to a small matter such a late arrival for an appointment. You apologise for the late arrival, next you provide a reason for your late arrival, (of course not lies!) and finally you come up with a remedy such as I will be punctual next time or I will treat you to lunch.

It is amazing how we could make so much difference by practising the 3 "R"s in communication, yet how many of us do that?, not even myself. I am not trying to promote the book nor trying to be a "wise" guy, rather just sharing what I have learned from the book. Alright, I end here now.

"If Only"

If only" Two short and simple words yet used so frequently in our lives. "If" often suggests desires such as If I could earn 1 million in 1 year. "Only" in this context suggests exclusivity. Put together "if only" tend to indicate regrets, helplessness and unhappiness. Examples of "if only" situations include: If only I have put in more hard work, I will not be struggling in my studies now, If only I was more careful with my spending, I wouldn't incur such huge debts. If only I was more considerate, he wouldn't be hurt by my hurtful words.In my opinion,

"If only" can be applied to small situations such as quarrels to major life decisions such as career and even marriage. I think it is inevitable that we will use the phrase "If only" in our lives. If only is different from If in that if can suggests desires and regrets but if only is limited to past events, and most of the time wrong decisions made. Read a book entitled "if only" by Neal Rose. Initially, thought that it is a simple book to comprehend, nope I was wrong. Neal Rose, according to the book, is one of the world's top scientists studying regret.

It is indeed inevitable that thoughts about "if only" will be present in our lives but the book taught the readers how to manage our regret style to maximize the gain and minimize the regret. I sort of capture the essence of the book, i.e. don't always feel that you are in the worst situation, and consider how a bad situation could have gone even worse. For instance, if you are lamenting about not being able to be in the desired career of your life, why not consider how your life will be if you don't have a job at all?

I try to apply to myself by thinking that I will be worse off if I don't even have the chance to pursue a tertiary education. Of course, I myself feel that this is merely a different way of looking at things, what is done cannot be unchanged. However, instead of regretting, why not consider the benefits of the alternative. Hope that those who happened to read this entry could live with less regrets and be more positive in life. Alright, I end here now.