Death

How time flies, the Chinese new year past just like that, and soon we will be one quarter through with the year 2007. Time passes so rapidly that we sometimes loses track of it. Once our time on Earth is up, we have to depart from the Earth, through a process we called death. Recently
read on the papers about a new year reunion turned tragedy of a death of a man. His family members will be reminded of this painful loss of their loved ones during this period of time every year.

Some people say they are not afraid of death, some people are afraid of death. I belong to the latter and it is not cowardly or unmanly to be scared of death. Death brings an end to our existence on Earth and terminates the pursue of our hopes and aspirations. Depriving us of the opportunity to continue enjoy our time on earth with our loved ones. Yet some people choose death as a route to solve their problems, it is a pity that some people struggles to live but fail in the end , and those who can continue to live give up this chance.

Of course, I am lucky in a sense that I want to live and can live, satisfying the two conditions required to have a life. If you ask me what is the best age to die, my answer is indefinte as we don't even know when I will depart from this world. Ideally, it should be after all my loved ones are gone, after my hopes and dreams are fulfilled, till I feel there is nothing to be scared of, then I will die. To me, this state is impossible, as I am someone not easily contented ,I have infinite wishes.

I don't believe in recarnation, but I do believe that life will continue to be present as long as there is Earth, and vice versa. Millions of years later, billions of years later, somehow life will continue as it has always been. For now, I am very grateful to be able to live and wanting to live.Alright, I end here now.

Chinese New Year

Suddenly feel that CNY is just a simple holiday for me, in the past, used to have so much anticipation for the eve of CNY as it is really fun to stay up late to witness the arrival of another year. Now, after two years in the army, plus the festive mood is getting lower by year, CNY is just a holiday to me. In the past, used to spend the new year's eve with my grandma and small aunt, but now due to her walking difficulty, she no longer comes to my house for that night. The past two years have been okay, as CNY gives me a break from work, but this year it is so strange. The feeling is that " Huh? New year already liao, okay law, then it will be a normal day for me."

Don't know why CNY is so quiet nowadays, the festive shows are getting lesser and lesser, what is worse is there are so many repeats that makes people so sian. Then, the festive variety show on the eve of the new year is getting more sian by year, every year it is just dancing, singing , playing some games and then getting one fengshui master to tell us about which zodiac will be wang in the year of the zodiac that year. Aiyah, how come a supposedly fun and meaningful occasion becomes so boring nowadays.

Maybe I am different, but I only care about the hongbaos and nothing else. New clothes, festive goodies and television programmes no longer excites me that much. Well, hope that there won't be a day when CNY is just a public holiday to us Chinese one day, I believe there will be people who feels happy and understand the meaning of new year besides the good things. Wishing all a happy and lucky Chinese New Year.Alright, I end here now.

All this while

Well, has been almost 2 weeks since I wrote my previous entry, nothing unusual happened. Like many listeners and readers out there, I am an avid fan of the world of Datoufen, a radio show hosted by Peifen. It is about the happenings of a girl, Xiaofen, alias Datoufen in daily life. She is termed Datoufen because she likes to think a lot, so much so that her head is really "big". Of course, she doen't posses a "big" head, just a nickname she gives to herself. It is not those boring love story of a teenage girl, neither is it those that says what she does everyday. What attarcts me to the show is the lessons taught in most episodes. Although there was a time when the story is all about her and her ex boyfriend Ah toot, it is still interesting to see how two strangers become lovers.

Recently, there was a discussion on the blog about student and teacher having a relationship. To me , I am more old fashioned, I think that teachers should not date students as they are there to be seniors, to guide their students. At that point in time, affectuations are often misunderstood as love for most cases. After their teenage years, some students will realise that they might not love that teacher, merely have a crush on him or her. So it is important for teachers not to cross over the line of student and teachers. Indeed, love can exist between two people who have a large age difference, but there are few succcessful examples of a teacher and a student ending in marriage. I know there are others who have a different viewpoint, well, it is nothing wrong, but to me, it is very hard to accept a student-teacher relationship in a school.

Personally, I do not know of friends who have such relationship so perhaps I might be myopic. Another issue mentioned before in the show is the betrayal be friends. Well, there are many types of people in this world, some who are really devious, some who are really kind, to me, maybe it is because of my self centred nature and experience being betrayed by someone, I do not put my trust in friends. Only those who are really close to me will gain my trust, that is why I do not reveal my true self to others initially. I do not dare to say I am very observant but I believe in my judgement, and it seldom fail me. I am also lucky in the sense that I reveal my true self to the correct people, not those who will make use of me.

Normally, I will act aloof to outsiders, those who are merely peers, then for those whom I feel I can trust, then I will accept their help. So I have few friends, and people find me weird, well, it is a way to protect myself. After that betrayal, I do not dare to trust anyone so easily now. I believe there are others out there like me, but I wouldn't make friends with such people as I am also like them. I feel that be blogging, whatever I wouldn't normally tell others, I tell them in the entries, that gives me some form of comfort.

Compared to datoufen, I am really different from her. She is caring, kind and trusting. In reality, I do not meet such people as I do not bother to find such a person. Maybe it is my nature, I am more pessimistic and gloomy. I do not blame anyone for my moody life, just that at times wonder why I chose to be like this. When I read blogs posted by other people, I envy them, but to me it is really hard to be like them. I am me, not somebody else, why be like others? To those who have lots of friends, continue to make more friends, to those who don't have much friends, try to be happy in life. Alright , I end here now.